Struggling and scared - first long term relationship just ended!

[Reader90]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. Im mid 20's and my first long term relationship just ended this afternoon. We've been together almost four years and its been rocky for about a year now, both have tried what we can but he's decided to break it off as he feels he can't try any longer and feels it's just not right. I'm really struggling to stop crying! I dont know how i'm going to cope, there's so much that has to change. He's been my best friend and i'm going to miss him so much. The thought of no contact really upsets me.

I dont have a lot of support with friends in real life as everyones coupled up, i already feel ridiculously lonely and its not even been a full day!

Anyone have any advice on how to cope or get through this? I really am in shock and i don't know how i'm going to get through this. I also have a huuge week this week at work so I need to pull myself together!

Don't have much to offer but didn't want to read and run. I've been there and my best advice is be kind to yourself. Even if your friends are coupled up they will still want to be there for you.

Try to get some sleep, hard though it may seem, and reach out to friends in the morning x

Thanks for the reply Paperdoll, will try to get some sleep, hopefully things won't seem so bad in the morning!

Thanks for the reply Paperdoll, will try to get some sleep, hopefully things won't seem so bad in the morning!

Look it will be difficult for a while but will only get better. You will be surprised at what friends will pop up now you are not coupled up. Take support from your family..Take up a new activity one where you will meet new people. Join a gym as exercise is great to lift the mood..Do something radical to show yourself you are a survivor eg go on an activity holiday or join a group holiday to somewhere mad..lts ok to cry and you will but there are good days ahead so dont panic.

Oh sweetie, there is life outside your relationship- you've been in one so long you've just forgotten! It's like breaking a habit, change your environment and do some new and different things to help stop that 'this time yesterday/last week/last year' feeling. Do some things you enjoy that he hated and revel in them!

Time will help. Try to be single for a while.

Reach out to your friends. I'm sure they'd be upset if they knew you felt you couldn't.

I'm so sorry my advice is to cry cry and cry some more, don't try to hold it in because it just makes you feel worse. It's like a period of grieving when a relationship ends it's important to accept your sadness and get it out of your system. You must also look after yourself as much as possible try to eat and drink and rest too even if sleep is hard right now.
You'll come through it I promise! We've all been there x

Thanks for the advice everyone, I feel like i'm over-reacting but its just so sad.. Hoping work will take my mind off it as well as all the advice above.

You're not overreacting, 4 years is a long time. It hurts and it's going to hurt for a while. It'll come out of no where and you'll feel a bit crap but throw yourself into friendships and holidays. Let your friends support you and allow yourself to feel sad.

Mid 20's!!

Perfect time to become independent!

My DS is as old as you. He escaped has come out of an intense relationship. He is far happier chasing his own dream now.

Honestly, take time to get over it, however long it lasts, don't rush to the next man and become independent.

Your future self will thank you.

Thanks everyone, glad your DS is much happier now Iflyaway! Main thing thats upsetting me just now is the thought of not having that intimacy of being in everyday contact and knowing what each others doing each day, checking in with each other. I care about him and i want to know he's OK and whats going on with him but i guess i dont have that right anymore.. Its so hard to get to grips with.

Yup, it's horrible. You want to know he's ok and when you hurt he's naturally the person you want to tell, but you can't anymore. It will get easier in time, in the mean time do stuff you love and things you wanted to do he didn't. Keep your chin up, it's ok to be sad!