Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

How to talk to 4 year old...

6 replies

AristotlesArmy · 23/04/2017 23:13

I'm going to try to keep this vague so as not to out so hope you can all help!

The bottom line is that a family member, who has been quite involved in my life has suddenly gone a bit nuts. Think making out they want my children and they'd be a great parent (they don't have any). They've got very aggressive which I reported and it's being handled. They were an emergency contact at the school but I'm going in to sort that first thing.

The question is, how do I tell my four year old? Do I tell her? I'm worried she'd willingly go to this person, which now I obviously don't want her to! Any advice? It's all been a bit fraught!

OP posts:

mumsonthelash · 23/04/2017 23:29

I'm not really sure what you are asking but will go ahead. Tell school they are no longer emergency contact ASAP . Then tell them that under no circumstances should they pick up your little one from school. Then tell little one that only you or whoever will be picking them up.
If you take extra care to ensure timely handover sat school there might be no need for you to say anything. But then again I don't know all the details.
Do not be afraid of telling school or nursery.

BarneyRumbleton · 23/04/2017 23:34

I don't fully understand either, but it sounds too much for a four-year-old to understand and the kind of situation that could worry them.
I wouldn't say anything to her. I'd just make arrangements secure enough that DD is handed over to the right person at the right time, and make all the adults involved in her care aware of the seriousness of the situation. DD doesn't need to know.

Seeingadistance · 23/04/2017 23:34

What mumsonthelash said, and also, without having to give too much detail to your wee one, could you start using a password system? So, if anyone other than you - and tell them who those people would be - picks them up, then they only go with them if they know the special password.

ImperialBlether · 23/04/2017 23:37

I think I'd just say, "Auntie Jane won't be picking you up any more. If she comes to school, make sure you tell the teacher." If she asks what you're on about, just say, "I don't want her to pick you up any more. If she comes to school, tell your teacher."

Original poster

AristotlesArmy · 23/04/2017 23:49

I think you're right about it being too much. It's why I've not mentioned it yet. Been pondering what's right. And a password is a great idea too. We can make it fun, a detective thing.

School are fantastic, so not worried there. I don't think there are any other opportunities for anything to happen. I'm just trying to play it safe. Thanks for your help. Sometimes I think you can't see the wood for the trees! Easier to have outside input.

OP posts:

scoobydoo1971 · 24/04/2017 01:11

I have a five year old. At 4, she understood the basics of her grandmother going to hospital for an operation to make her lump all better (breast cancer), while sparing her the graphic details. Kids are more open and aware than we give them credit for, and they take things at face-value. Therefore, you could just say person you have concerns about is 'not well' and won't be around for a bit.

Flip