Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just broken up with my partner I'm 8 months pregnant

20 replies

Snozberry00 · 21/04/2017 23:58

Hi all. Briefly I'm 8 months pregnant, have a 4 year old and have split up with my partner of 10 years tonight. I have no friends or family anywhere near locally, no money no job and I'm shitting it. I've never been on my own before and my mood and self esteem are already extremely low.

I don't know what I want by posting here but I need a hand hold.

OP posts:
Badgoushk · 21/04/2017 23:59

Oh no! What happened? Do you want to talk more about it?

3littlebadgers · 22/04/2017 00:01

Here is my hand to hold FlowersBrewCake

I am sorry this is happening to you especially at this time.

Do you want to talk about it? I'm happy to listen if you do. Or you can just have a hand. Whatever helps.

DancingLedge · 22/04/2017 00:04

Flowersfor you.
Tough gig.
No job- maybe not the moment, that'come later
No money- cab for benefits advice? Dr/Midwife refer to food bank- just to tide you till benefits sorted?
Breaking up is hard, but can be better than a bad relationship.
All best wishes.

Original poster
Snozberry00 · 22/04/2017 00:07

This will all sound petty but it's been such a long time coming. We never communicate although I try, I'm at the point where I feel repulsive and worthless because he never speaks to me let alone act like a romantic partner. He doesn't seem happy and I know I'm not happy. He as good as accused me of cheating because I use Facebook groups to chat to people. I feel like he's isolating me. Tonight we had an argument about it all, and I decided this isn't healthy and has to end here.

OP posts:
Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:07

Hi! It sounds awfully tough! Are you calm enough to sit down and focus on the priorities? I'd say they are being safe, having somewhere to sleep and enough food and drink for you and DS. Low mood is vv understandable in your situation. As for low self-esteem: it takes some guts to do what you've done, you're clearly a strong person and you should be proud of that!

Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:08

Cross-post. You are so brave! He sounds very unpleasant and you've done what is best for you and your (unborn) children. Well done!

Original poster
Snozberry00 · 22/04/2017 00:12

Thank you. My self esteem has been low for years and I think this is why I've stayed. I just want to feel like a human being. I don't know where I'm going to go or how I'm going to cope, I think I'll have to move close to my family but then my children will never see their dad, so many things swirling in my head tonight.

OP posts:
DancingLedge · 22/04/2017 00:18

Leaving because you need to is the act of a strong person.

Your strength will see you through.
You can't work out everything at once, try to take one bit at a time.

Any chance you could stay with family, if only for a while? Have some support.

You've taken a brave step , the first one on a road to a better life for you and your childrenCakeFlowers

3littlebadgers · 22/04/2017 00:18

Wow you sound amazingly strong, even though deep down it must be so hard what you are doing.

My friend moved a good five hours away from her emotionally abusive ex and he still sees the dcs every other weekend. It'll work out.

Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:18

Flowers It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed! Try to focus on the things that matter most for you and your children for the next 24-48 hours. As I said, I'd assume these to be safety, housing and food. Have you got those sorted?

I feel I should tell you I don't have children and have never been in a situation even remotely like yours, I'd feel like a fraud otherwise!

Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:20

Yikes, I meant I'd feel like a fraud if I didn't tell you, not that I'd feel like a fraud if I had been/ were in your situation!

DancingLedge · 22/04/2017 00:20

I have to sleep now.
Check in in the morning?

Original poster
Snozberry00 · 22/04/2017 00:20

I don't know who's leaving or what will happen next because he shut the conversation down this evening by sending me off to bed so he could sleep on the sofa. He's working 12 hour shifts this weekend so I won't see him or be able to talk about anything. Although his response to everything is "dunno" or a sarcastic grunt anyway.

I could stay with family, my immediate issue is I'm booked for a section in my local hospital in 3 weeks and my family live the other end of the country. It's such bad timing.

OP posts:
Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:25

Focus on the here and now: do you feel safe with him around? (You haven't given any indication you don't, but MN has opened my eyes to how widespread DV is). Is there food in the house for tomorrow morning? Tomorrow you can contact family (if you feel you can discuss this with them) and think about housing (there are loads of MNers who know loads about deeds/ tenancies and the rights associated with them). Can you do something nice for yourself? If nothing else, fantasise what you'd do if you won EuroMillions :)

Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:27

Sorry, that was a bit flippant Blush. I was trying to say you should try to do something nice for yourself, even if it is just fantasising about something.

Original poster
Snozberry00 · 22/04/2017 00:32

I'm safe there's no threat of violence at all. I suppose I should enjoy having the bed to myself if nothing else

OP posts:
Puffinsareblackandwhite · 22/04/2017 00:39

Yes! Could you have a shower and use some nice skincare products/ wash your hair? Try to be nice to yourself, I know it sounds soppy but it'll make you feel a lot better in a tough situation!

I'm going to bed now but I'll check the thread tomorrow when I get up. Hang in there!

Atenco · 22/04/2017 03:00

Well done, OP. You've taken an extremely hard step but it sounds like the right one. I think there are online benefit calculators that you could consult. Maybe you could also consider asking if you can transfer to a hospital near your family.

Flowers
isitjustme2017 · 22/04/2017 15:55

Well done for making this decision at such a difficult time. Its hard enough making a decision like this when circumstances are easier!! Do you rent or jointly own? It sounds it would be much easier if he left as you are due to give birth soon so you can't be expected to move. Could someone from your family come and stay with you (especially around the birth time).
Talk to your partner tonight and see if you can get him to go and then try to get someone to come and stay with you. If he refuses, call your midwife and see if you can get your section in a hospital near your family. Good luck Flowers

penoversword · 23/04/2017 00:18

Hi Snozberry

The fact that you've chosen to end your relationship now, at 8 months pregnant, speaks volumes about how unhappy it was making you. Remember that if you have a wobbly moment. You are so very brave.

Everyone deserves to feel valued and respected, and although it's not easy to rebuild broken self-esteem, you will in time - and definitely now that you've ended it. You are the best person in the whole wide world to your children. Try to see this as an opportunity to live a life that makes you happy. Totally understand that your head must be swimming with thoughts - don't be afraid to reach out for help, as others have said.

Focus on you and your babas and have faith in yourself. You can do this.

Xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread