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Original poster

Wedding dress shopping

27 replies

birdladyfromhomealone · 20/04/2017 15:04

Would you or did you take your Mum and your future MIL wedding dress shopping?
What is the equitate about this these days?

OP posts:

snowfee · 20/04/2017 15:14

I took my mum and my sister (who was my bridesmaid) to all my appointments, to help me decide and to share the experience with them. Personally, I think it's a lovely thing to do with your mum, it's such a special time. I'm not close to my MIL so wouldn't want her there with me.
Ultimately take whoever you want but if you are close to your mum I would definitely ask her if she wants to go. She may say no but atleast you've asked. Or, go with your bridesmaids/friends to choose and take you mum to a later dress fitting?
It's your wedding, do what you want and enjoy every minute of it!

GinIsIn · 20/04/2017 15:16

I took my mum. She banged on about a dress I didn't choose being nicer than my dress, and then brought it up again on my wedding day. Think it depends on your mum!!

Enko · 20/04/2017 15:25

I went with my mum to try out dresses but didnt buy any of the ones we looked at.
I ended up having one specially made (as I couldnt find anything I truly liked)
MIL went with me to buy the silk for the dress. We then went to Selfridges for lunch. I think that was the start of now 23 years of a lovely relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/04/2017 15:45

I think this is a mother/daughter thing, so long as you have a good relationship. If you don't and you get on well with your future MIL, you could take her.

squashyhat · 20/04/2017 16:11

None of the above - I hate shopping with anyone else. Fuck the etiquette

Ellisandra · 20/04/2017 16:14

I can't imagine being bound by some kind of nonsense etiquette.

I don't think buying a wedding dress is some amazing special event that needs to be made into even more of an event by having an entourage

If you like your mum and she'll enhance the experience - ask her. If she won't, don't.

Sassypants82 · 20/04/2017 16:17

Went alone after a few trys with friends. Found it much easier. Nobody else's opinion to sway me. Brought my sister & Mother to a fitting once I'd picked it.

rubberducker · 20/04/2017 16:21

I went with my BM for the first time - found THE dress. Then went separately with DM to try a few others and then to go back to the one and order it. Was a lovely experience and for me, I'm glad I shared it with my DM and best friend. I wouldn't have wanted to do it with my MIL, partly as she has very different tastes to me, but also because I think it would have upset my DM as she very much saw it as a mother/daughter thing.

I think it depends on the relationships though, ultimately you should take who you want, bearing in mind that you want people who understand your style and the kind of bride you want to be, who will be honest but constructive and will support you in your choice.

Gah81 · 20/04/2017 17:43

Am facing this problem atm. Though my relationship with my mum is tricky - but I get on super well with MIL.

I also have 5 sisters (I know!) who I think would want to come along.

Not sure there's an etiquette - I like the idea of doing a few trips!

Dowser · 20/04/2017 18:48

I was with my daughter when she chose two wedding dresses.
Brought them back t our houses.
Friends from the uk were visiting. The groom was packed out of the way.
Showed them to friends and the female friend said even though I'm not a pink person, the pale pink one.

So we took the silver one back the next day.
Then we fastens the one she was going to wear at the back of the closet for when we returned back to Florida for the October wedding.

All lovely.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 20/04/2017 19:05

I took my mum to the first shop and Mum and MIL to the second. I get on well with MIL and she has two sons, so wouldn't have had the chance to do it for a DD of her own.

BackforGood · 20/04/2017 19:14

My Mum came with me. Never occurred to me to ask my MiL.
My sister did take her MiL, but then her MiL was a seamstress who was making her dress

It's not about 'etiquette' it's about what you'd like. Not many people would go alone, but some want their Mum there, some take both Mums, some take a bridesmaid or another close friend or a sister. Totally depends on your relationship with them rather than some fictional 'expectation'.

TheNaze73 · 20/04/2017 19:44

My ex wife took her Mum & sister. Personally, think it has nothing to do with the grooms mum

maras2 · 20/04/2017 19:48

I took my sister.
DD took her bridesmaid.
DIL took her mother.
I think there's no set rule but taking soon to be in laws seems a bit odd.

offside · 20/04/2017 19:48

I went on my own. Myself and my mum have very different views on things and she's already told me what she thought I should wear. I am taking her to the fitting with me however.

I did consider taking my MIL to additional fittings to make her feel involved and as she doesn't have daughters I thought this would be her only opportunity to do it. My DP however doesn't think she's be interested. And I don't think she would either to be honest, she doesn't like shopping and she's already commented on how much/big our wedding is and I don't want any negative comments.

Goingtobeawesome · 20/04/2017 19:52

I went with my MIL as I don't have a mother. guess I'm odd then

maras2 · 20/04/2017 19:54

I took my sister.
DD took her bridesmaid.
DIL took her mother.
I think there's no set rule but taking soon to be in laws seems a bit odd.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 20/04/2017 19:56

I took one of my BMs to try on dresses, and once I'd picked one I took my mum to the fitting.

I'm not particularly close to my mum though, love her as I do.

maras2 · 20/04/2017 19:57

Woops.So good it posted twice
birdlady I recognise your name.
Is your DD's MIL2BE still poking her nose in?

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 21/04/2017 06:36

My MIL wanted to come but I couldn't face it . Like pp I HATE shopping with anyone but took my own mum as I don't think I'd ever have heard the end of it otherwise, and I had 7 month-old DS with me so she was handy to hold him. It was all very stressful! I did love the dress I chose in the end though.

Fishface199 · 21/04/2017 07:54

I went on my own as my family lived in another city. Big regret.

The shop started the high pressure sales tactic on me. I ended up buying a lovely dress but shop ruined the fitting. A complete nightmare. They were awful.

They definitely took advantage of me being on my own, telling me my dress fitted well when it was clearly too tight ( 3 shop ppl against me). I ended up having to take it to another alterations person who said my dress had been butchered! He did manage to save it though!

I would take someone with similar tastes be it a sibling or mum. I think MIL is upto you but I know it can be a great bonding exercise. But its good to have ppl who will back you up. Dresses cost thousands and sales people can be utterly ruthless.

Badweekjustgotworse · 21/04/2017 08:50

I made my dress and my mum hemmed it for me. Many late nights spent sewing in my mums house with coffee and talking shite. She did keep asking me if it's not rather just go and buy one the whole way through the make ..... I tried not to take it as a hint she thought my dress was awful (turned out lovely)

sonyaya · 21/04/2017 08:52

I took my mum, but also my MIL because I wanted her to feel included. I don't think there is any etiquette.

DameSquashalot · 21/04/2017 11:56

I went with my mum and one of my bridesmaids, but ended up choosing my dress on a shopping trip by myself. I don't really like being told what suits me...I prefer to choose myself and feel comfortable with what I've chosen.

Original poster

birdladyfromhomealone · 21/04/2017 14:08

Maras2 yes its escalated even further :(
I told my DD I was upset that the MIL and SIL were there at the shopping, standing in front of me, taking pictures and generally taking over.
Next week is the fitting and I told DD a month ago how I felt and wanted it to just be her and I at the fitting.
I thought it had been put to bed MIL was told and I thought she was OK with it. She has her own DD to go shopping with when the time comes.
Well the shit has hit the fan.
I noticed both MIL and DSIL have unfriended me on FB and on Fitbit.
I asked why and it just blew up.
DD told MIL she and I were going to the fitting alone.
MIL then tells her she had cancelled a holiday to be there.
The groom is upset with me for pushing his DM out
my DD is upset that I have upset her future in- laws.
So I am now not going to the fitting :(

OP posts:

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