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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Facebook and 'blocking' your soon-to-be ex-H

10 replies

Polly46219 · 09/04/2017 22:19

This might sounds pathetic but should I block my ex on facebook? We've been together for 10 years and married for 4. He left me and our two year old three months ago. He's gone straight into a serious relationship with a woman at work. I'm trying to get over him which is so bloody hard as obviously we have to have some contact because of our son. The reason I'm wavering about blocking him is because we have a 10 year connection on there - our life together is documented in posts and photos - but more importantly, because of what photos he'll be posting of our son in the future. I suppose I'm struggling to let go if I'm honest and I want to know everything my little boy is up to! Thoughts please mumsnetters X

OP posts:

Avioleta · 09/04/2017 22:23

I haven't blocked my ex but I have out him on my restricted list. Which means that he cannot see my profile unless I tag him (which I do sometimes if I want him to see pictures of the DCs) and his stuff does not appear in my newsfeed. Although I ocassionally torture myself by looking at his profile it's a compromise that mainly works for me.

Mrscaindingle · 09/04/2017 22:25

I blocked my ex as I didn't want to torture myself with what he was up to with the OW, I also blocked a couple of his friends as I didn't want things I was posting to get back to him. But we dislike each other now and so it wasn't a difficult decision.

Only you can decide really, depends on your relationship with him, if it's friendly then it could be fine, if it's not you'd be as well cutting ties with him.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 09/04/2017 22:26

Unfollow him and restrict his access to you. You never know when you might benefit from bring his fb friend.

mickyblueyes · 10/04/2017 11:07

He's gone straight into a serious relationship?!? Are you sure he wasn't cheating on you? Who goes straight into a serious relationship after 10 years together...but i guess thats besides the point in answer to your question about blocking him.

My advice would be to block and unfriend...It's a really hard thing to do, I've been in your position. Don't torture yourself by seeing his posts. Trust me, in order for you to grieve and heal from your relationship ending you need to cut as many ties as possible with your ex. You need to start looking at any interactions with your ex as purely about pick up/drop off's of your child and their welfare.

My advice may sound a bit drastic, but for me it's the only way I started to heal from my 25 year marriage ending.

hellsbellsmelons · 10/04/2017 12:10

My recent ExP is blocked.
My ExH isn't.
I blocked recent ExP because I was looking too often.
Had to block OW as well.
But my ExH, like you say, a lot of pictures, history, etc....

Strawberryjam34 · 10/04/2017 14:09

I've got my ex husband blocked, ow and a lot of his and her friends / family. I also had to delete a lot of mutual friends as I know for a fact they were spying on me for him. I know he would absolutely love to know what I'm posting on there though. Pathetic really! (Nothing about him by the way)

mickyblueyes · 10/04/2017 16:04

From what I understand "unfriending" removes them from your facebook...this means if you want to re-connect you have to send a request to that person.

Blocking is totally at your control...you can block and unblock as you wish.

I might have got that wrong, i did both with my Ex. Good Riddance!

Original poster

Polly46219 · 10/04/2017 20:45

mickeyblue - yes, he was cheating - right before Christmas and dropped the bombshell the day after Boxing Day. I found all this out after he told me he was leaving me at the end of last year. It was horrendous. Anyway, if it wasn't for my son, he and his family would be blocked and I'd probably move to another city!! I think if you 'block' someone, they automatially get unfriended.

OP posts:

MrTCakes · 10/04/2017 20:49

Yes , if you block they get unfriended.
I blocked my ex husband a couple of weeks after separating as it was just another platform for abuse from him.

MargotMoon · 10/04/2017 21:52

Block him. If you have access to his profile it will make it harder to move on. If you want to share info/pics of DC with him then whatsapp is sufficient. Fb stalking allows the pain to linger, I know someone who was in your shoes nearly 10 years ago and she still checks her ex's profile and agonises over pics of him with OW and their new DC/life together. She hasn't had a new relationship that whole time.

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