I know it's for the best but heart broken

[oregon1985]

Been with now ex dp for 3 years. In those 3 years has cheated on me twice. He's lied constantly and we broke up for a month at the beginning of the year then got back together.

It's been bad and I know it is for the best but we broke up yesterday because I got angry at him because he was really rude to my friends.

I thought things were getting better but when I got angry at him he said he was done with my shit and we were over.

Even though it's been an unhealthy relationship I'm utterly heartbroken.
I don't know why I'm writing this. Just to get it off my chest I guess. Maybe trying to get someone to stop me from begging him to take me back. I don't know.

I think I'm also scared of being alone. Have haven't been single for longer than a month in about 14 years

Do you have children together?

No. Not married either.

I know it's for the best. He's treated me awfully. It's just hard to stop loving someone.

No relationship is better than a bad one.
Rude to your friends should be way down the list of his twatness -lying and cheating on YOU is worse than his treatment of your friends! Ask a friend to write down all your good qualities and start believing in yourself. . You are worth a much better man in your life.

I know

Tell me Oregon what actually was there to love about him? The false persona you thought he was because of the show he put on at the beginning?

You are sad because you are mourning for the relationship you thought you were going to have that doesn't exist.

The good news is you are now free to

1. get comfortable in your own skin, be happy being single and heal
2. then be in a situation to find a relationship that is healthy with someone who doesn't treat you like shit

Stay no contact with him, he sounds like a card carrying asshole and you deserve better x

Please stay nc and don't try to get back together. Nothing will change, he won't treat you better, in fact with time he'll treat you worse. Get out now while you have no children and no commitment and some self esteem intact.
Believe me I've been there. I stayed there and it never got better.

I genuinely hate the thought of being alone. How do I deal with that. Not having someone to go to sleep with at night.

I know it doesn't seem like it now but honestly being on your own will be the best gift you can give yourself.

It's lonely at first yes. Be kind to yourself though, hot baths, silly films, exercise, try and socialise with friends or do some classes.

The lonely bit will pass and then you will start to enjoy it, feel free, strong and independent.

Then, you will think really hard about committing again because you got used to being independent and not having to negotiate everything with someone.

X

I feel better today. Less scared

That's good. Some days will feel better, some will feel worse. The better days will out number the worse ones eventually. Try and get to a point when you are content single though, because you will make better choices.

You did the right thing in not rushing in. This has proved you right.
You're better off without him

I feel great. I feel so good by myself at the moment. Not having to question what I'm doing. Not being paranoid about what he's doing. A lot of the lies he told me came out over the last few days and I thought I'd be upset but it's just made me feel better.