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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving spouse

12 replies

Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 20:49

Hi. I have thought about leaving my DP for around 9 months and feel like I have made up my mind.
We are engaged to be married, together 7 years, 2 children 1 and 6, have mortgage in principle for a house and due to buy in the summer. Currently renting, I am a SAHM and he earns 1000-1200 net pw.
I know it sounds malicious, but should I stay until the house is bought to protect my children's future? Or because I am the one to leave, should I leave the house with the kids and rent elsewhere?
I could afford the rent here whilst working, i would be on minimum wage due to being out of the workforce for a few years. He could still buy on his own.
I just need someone to talk this through with - please help me help myself!

OP posts:
Gallavich · 26/03/2017 20:50

As you aren't married then waiting to buy the house won't do anything especially if you couldn't afford to buy him out.
You should just make the move tbh.

RandomMess · 26/03/2017 20:52

I think it would be a mistake to let him buy the house, as you're not married unless you are going on the deeds you will have zero stake in the house!

Original poster
Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 20:52

I so want to sort this out with him but he cannot see my point of view or admit that things need to change so where does that leave us? Things cannot continue Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 20:54

I don't want to have any money from the house but I know he will let me stay there. I then have a safe house for my children. These are the lines I am thinking along, I'd appreciate any 'devils advocate advice' so to speak.

OP posts:
Goforit2017 · 26/03/2017 20:58

So in effect he would be buying you a house?

Original poster
Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 21:01

Until I can financially afford move out, which due to inheritance and saving from future job would be probably be in a years time.

OP posts:
NeonGod73 · 26/03/2017 21:03

Why do you want to leave him?

Original poster
Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 21:08

I have scraped the last dregs of my dignity, confidence and ambition off the floor after 2 years of coldness, of being ignored, strategic incompetence and 'punishments'. I can't take anymore, i feel agitated even at my children lately. This isn't me, I feel stifled.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 21:25

There's no hope is there.. this is my life Sad

OP posts:
PaterPower · 26/03/2017 21:29

Well he's not going to have 1 - 1.2K net left after the child maintenance comes out of it, so do the decent thing and tell him now, assuming you've made your mind up.

He's going to find it bloody hard to afford mortgage payments and the CM to pay you and find a deposit and rent for somewhere to live himself and then feed himself, pay bills etc. Be honest with him, unless your intention is to punish him financially (in which case crack on).

Original poster
Cheyanne8 · 26/03/2017 21:32

He has 21k savings after buying the 'family home' so I think he should be okay.
I want a clean break, but not at the expense of the children's housing stability.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 26/03/2017 21:44

I think you see to see a solicitor regarding staying vs leaving because of a house purchase. If the house is purchased in his name you'll have no rights to it at all since you aren't married.

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