separating from husband, but i'm the one with the money!

[Jess785]

So, my husband and i are amicably separating. We have one DS, who will live with me in the flat we currently own. The problem is finances- i'm the one who makes all the money- about 3x what he does. He's perfectly capable of finding a better job but is beyond unambitious and at the moment probably doesn't make enough money to support himself. I can just about afford to stay in the flat and look after my son, who i will have probably 70% custody of. I don't want anything from the ex financially (he has nothing to give), but i'm told he can still access half of my assets (flat in my name, i make all the payments, etc). i can't quite figure out how to start negotiations with him so that i can make as clean a break as possible, but not threaten the stability that me and my son count on! we can't afford lawyers and i'm looking for some practical advice about what to do next. I just want him to move out as quickly as possible, but i'm afraid he won't find anything he can't afford....

thanks all!

See if you have a solicitor in your area who offers a free half hour.
How long have you been together?
Did you own the flat before you got married?

Depending on the length of marriage you might be able to retain more than 50% of the assets but you really need legal advice. If you have any it's likely you will need to release some equity so that he can provide himself with adequate housing in order to have contact with your DC.

Things like the length of marriage, contribution made, assets prior to marriage can be taken into account but there's no real formula. If you can agree without involving a court hearing it's advisable.

we've been married for 15 years, for which time i've been the main breadwinner. We (well, I) bought the flat about 7 years ago and i don't think i can release any equity from the flat for a couple of years as i've just remortgaged. he's never really contributed much financially at all, and all the assets (and debts) are in my name.

good idea to try to see about local family lawyers. i am not convinced he will have the wherewithall to get any legal advice whatsoever- while i don't want to take advantage, i want to keep as much as i can!

thinking of offering him a monthly payment for a certain period of time (maybe £200?) and then a one off payment, TBD. sigh. it's interesting, most of what i can find online is all directed towards women trying to get as much cash out of their ex husbands as possible!

How old is your DS? It might be possible to arrange for you and DS to stay in your current home until DS turns 18, at which point you can give over half the equity to your ex.

I would only agree to half if he's paying child maintenance in the meantime though.

You certainly shouldn't be considering spousal maintenance unless he has taken a career break at some point to be a SAHP.

I'd try to get a free half hour with a solicitor.

It's all about the needs of both parties post separation..Can he earn sufficient to rent or get a mortgage?

How old are you both and what about savings and pensions?
Forgetting genders your ds will need to be housed whilst staying with your H, and it's best if you could find ways to make this work.
If you earn 150k then you will be expected to assist him however if it 45k vs his 15k then less so.

I think these are circumstances where you can't afford not to use a lawyer.

Marital assets are joint (whoever paid for them during the marriage, and whichever name they are in) and need to be split between you (flat, pensions, other major assets).

If you want a clean break, then you wil, probably have to find a way to pay off whatever is determined to be his share of flat (and pension) now, rather than have it hanging over you until your DS reaches his majority.

Any debts run up during the course of the marriage are also joint even if only in your name. So you need to take that into consideration.

As pp said, flat is also a joint asset regardless of who's name it is in and who paid. He was still working and earning even if it was far less than you. He'd still be entitled to a share even if he'd not worked the duration of the marriage.

Remember pension sharing too.

It might help to get out of the mindset of 'my money' and think of it as 'our money' as you run the risk of feeling very bitter. If you're amicable, you could even see a lawyer together to quickly figure out a fair arrangement.

Or go to mediation to sort out the finances. But second what pp has said - it's not your or his money - once you married became both of yours. Irrelevant that you're the woman not man here, principles are the same. Expect to take a hit.

He will be entitled to half of everything you own.
He will be entitled to half of your pension.

Be careful - if he says he is the DC carer whilst you work, there's a risk that YOU would have to pay HIM maintenance to look after DC - if he was too ill or stressed or depressed to work or get a place of his own there's a chance that he stays in the flat you continue to pay for and YOU move out!

Get legal advice.
The concept scared the sht out of me, but my solicitor said it was a real risk and it was mentioned at first, but then thrown out.

I think I've been lucky.