Feeling Sad

[Ladybud2013]

I have been with my partner for 20 years and have an 10 year child. I am fed up with waiting to get married, I have dropped loads of hints but my bloke is not interested. When I ask why? He says it's the money. We've never been engaged and now I am fed up with waiting. Plus we are not even intimate. I feel like we are stuck in a rut. He won't come with me to counselling so that's out of the question. I feel like I am too old for marriage now.

Are you happy in the relationship? Intimacy is not the be all and end all in a relationship.
How is he in other aspects of your life together? Does he do a fair share in the house and with child. Is he fair in his financial dealings with you, the family and the house. Have you committed to buying a house or are you renting?
After all this time you have both shown commitment to each other.
I know of people IRL who have been happily living together for a very long time and then get married and it all goes wrong. Perhaps he has seen this too. It all gets very serious once married.
What is it about marriage and or the wedding that you want? Think about what you do have and see the advantages without longing for something else

I'd give him an ultimatum once and for all if you've exhausted all other avenues. Stick to it and then move on with your head held high.

I feel like you may be seeing marriage as the "fix" of the problems in your relationship when it sounds like you need to look at them first- the lack of intimacy, the being stuck in a rut. What is it you actually want to change about your relationship (putting aside the getting married), what do you want it to look like? Sometimes I think it is like we think "when .... happens I will be happy" (e.g. when I lose 3 stone I will be happy) but actually the happiness has to come first. Can you talk about the other stuff rather than getting married? Will he communicate about that?

Honesty marriage won't make you any happier! You will find most people who aren't married happier then people who are x