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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Talk some sense into me

25 replies

HelenSmart · 16/03/2017 22:46

He is perfect in most ways. A fantastic dad, everyone loves him.

The first time I woke up feeling sore, I just assumed I had another UTI (prone).

I woke up with him inside me last night. I know, I know.

But I can't uproot the kids. And there will be certain things I can't do if he's not here.

He used to be violent. Everyone knows. They all think he is amazing for turning it around!

OP posts:
Dontaskmegoogleit · 16/03/2017 22:49

Sorry this is goung to sound harsh but. What can't you do if he is not there ?

Dontaskmegoogleit · 16/03/2017 22:49

"Going" !

SuddenRealisation · 16/03/2017 22:52

This man is raping you in your sleep. There's no reason good enough to stay with someone like that. Please look after you and leave him.

AnyFucker · 16/03/2017 22:52

How can we talk sense into you ?

He is perfect. You won't uproot the kids. He is currently not violent. You know he rapes you in your sleep.

Nothing to see here. Moving on.

BeccyButterfly · 16/03/2017 22:53

Did you say anything to him when you woke up? I'm assuming he is a normal functioning adult who knows this is rape? Sorry, but that is not something your kids need to be around.

Original poster
HelenSmart · 16/03/2017 22:53

Not harsh at all! Things I rely on him for becsuse I'm registered blind. Cleaning out the pets, etc. I know how pathetic this sounds.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelenSmart · 16/03/2017 22:54

Sorry

OP posts:
SuddenRealisation · 16/03/2017 22:54

It's not pathetic, but you can't stay with him. I'm so sorry you're in this situation

Original poster
HelenSmart · 16/03/2017 22:58

I need to calm down, then I'll be back with a proper explanation I promise. I'm actually a regular who has NC'd

OP posts:
handsoffmecrownjules · 16/03/2017 23:00

He used to be violent
He still is violent - he is raping you on a regular basis.
Please call the DV helpline: 0808 2000 247 to get some support to help you out of this relationship or talk to a friend, family member, whoever you need to step in to help you. I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP.

Dontaskmegoogleit · 16/03/2017 23:01

Hi Helen. Who was there to help before you met this fuckweed ?
And don't be sorry. It's easier to think you need him.

Try and think what other support there is. Or maybe you might have to give up the pets. But that's ok you know. They will be fine.
Isn't your health and wellbeing more important ?
X

SarcasmMode · 16/03/2017 23:04

I'm registered blind too so know how vulnerable this can leave you but there are things you can get into place to make things easier.

Honestly this man is abusing you.

He shouldn't be pardoned because he's not being violent - nobody should be violent, it's hardly a bench mark.

I'm sure you're feeling tender but you really shouldn't stay. You will never feel safe again - what kind of life is that?

DownTownAbbey · 17/03/2017 06:49

Can RNIB help? Flowers

AnyFucker · 17/03/2017 10:21

Nobody should be treated like this but you are extra vulnerable. This man is despicable.

Adora10 · 17/03/2017 12:59

Oh my god, that's vile; he's not wonderful, he's not anything good, he's all bad OP; really evil.

Please take advice above, you can't stay and allow this abuse to carry on.

JaneEyre70 · 17/03/2017 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

xStefx · 17/03/2017 13:13

Op, im so sorry, I hope you have the strength to leave this violent rapist. Sending you strength

user1489677782 · 17/03/2017 13:14

Not going to try to be polite about this.
He is raping a woman in her sleep and this woman has a registered disability and there are children in the house while he is carrying out the rape.
This is a total piece of crap.

ImperialBlether · 17/03/2017 13:16

JaneEyre - try to be helpful. This is a vulnerable woman who is being raped.

FookyNell · 17/03/2017 13:20

Yeah ok Jane I hardly think sarcasm is going to add anything useful here.

OP, please look into other sources of practical help so you don't feel reliant on this horrible man. Nobody should be put through that just to get the day to day assistance they need.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 17/03/2017 13:23

If you have a daughter would you accept that was her life??!
Phone women's aid.. And then the police. Advertise for someone to come and help with your pets! A cleaner for example.

plainjanine · 17/03/2017 13:25

What handsoffmecrownjules said. He is still violent.

Please don't minimise this. Keep a diary, get your ducks in a row, contact WA...

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Flowers

Orangetoffee · 17/03/2017 13:34

As others have said, he still is violent. You are being raped.

user1476185294 · 17/03/2017 13:49

I'm worried that you have said you think he's done it in the past... Wouldn't that of woke you up?
Just asking because there have been cases in the past where women have been regularly drugged by their partner so they will be unconscious though the rape. Often you build up a tolerance to the drugs and begin to wake up. I really hope it's not the case and that this is just a one off... either way this isn't acceptable and you need to at the very least talk to him about respecting your boundaries, but I also would suggest leaving him.

Launderetta · 17/03/2017 14:04

Please get him out of your life, with some urgency.
How old are your DCs & can they help more?
Wishing you strength Flowers

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