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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have been single 7 WHOLE years!

29 replies

sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 17:14

I am a single mum studying to become a nurse and quite frankly life is bonkers but always had it in the back of my mind 'you will find love one day' but i really haven't. Do you actually get to a certain point in life after being single so long where you think. Yep, this is it! Get used to it sweet cheeks you're destined for the single life. Give up!
Do I just come to terms with that!
Today I have listened to everyone tell me their plans of weekends and holidays and what they did over the weekend. How he cooked, how he made breakfast in bed, how he brings wine and flowers.
I just want a teeny weeny little bit of that.
I'm exhausted!

OP posts:
user1485984489 · 15/03/2017 17:30

Hell honey, be happy! I love being single! I get to do what I want, watch what I want on TV, I don't have to share popcorn at the cinema, and don't have to put up with anyone else's family - mine is enough thanks! You don't need to feel less of a person because you're not part of a couple.

Original poster
sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 17:38

Very true User14. That's great you feel that way.
I am happy ( I think). I dont feel less of a person just a bit lonely. I just feel like I need a little bit of tlc. Someone to make me a nice cup of tea. Someone please do one of the school/dance/swimming runs.
Someone bring me flowers. I love flowers.
Someone tell me 'well done, you're doing ok' Smile
I have dated. I can't find any interest. I am ok looking well I try my best to look nice. I have goals and dreams. I'm kind and thoughtful. I can't find a date.

OP posts:
Notmyrealname85 · 15/03/2017 17:41

Maybe for a confidence pick me up, try Bumble? Guys can't hound you on there and you can set age/location limits... Quite nice having a swipe to see what's out there, in the comfort of your pjs :)

Shayelle · 15/03/2017 17:45

Its not wrong to feel like that, you're entitled to wish for someone to share things with, to make a fuss of you!! Hope a lovely guy comes along for you. In the meantime..... Flowers

CatsDogsandDC · 15/03/2017 18:00

Sparkle, don't create an idealised view of relationships in your head though. I was married for over 20 years. I never got any of those things either.

Original poster
sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 18:20

I'm on tinder already. Nobody wants to chat haha! It's strange. You swipe. You match. Exchange a hello. Then vanished.
Aww thankyou shayelle Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 18:23

Cats - oh really? That's not good.
I know it's not all rosy in relationships. I was very lonely in my marriage. I found me again. I just would like a bit of attention.
Only a teeny weeny bit. I'm so tired!

OP posts:
Blushingm · 15/03/2017 18:25

I'm the same sparkle - I'm even a student nurse too. You're not alone

Original poster
sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 18:31

Hello my fellow student nurse Blush Smile
It's good to talk and know you're not alone. Makes you feel less lonely but at the same time Flowers for you, as I know how tough it is going it alone.

OP posts:
user1485984489 · 15/03/2017 19:41

Hey Sparkle, I didn't mean to undervalue your original post. I would like that too sometimes, but the relationships I have had invariably mean that the flowers and romance and lovely stuff come once in a rare while after months of graft and sweat on my behalf. So I am obviously shit at choosing men to be in relationships with and have realised that I am happier being single. I appreciate that being single doesn't suit everyone. And I hope that you get to meet someone who actually deserves and appreciates you. Sending crap internet flowers in the meantime (better than nothing, but never better than real flowers). xxx

FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers

Original poster
sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 20:07

Thankyou User14 and thankyou for the flowers Smile
I completely understand as I have dated also and I actually question if I'm happier single. I know it's less stressful.
It's nice you are content being single. I feel I am alot of the time it just gets a little lonely. I suppose I need to meet new people. Get out more Smile

OP posts:
dimples76 · 15/03/2017 20:45

Hi Sparkle

I haven't even been on a date for ten years! It has just become normal for me. However, I do still wish I had someone to spend evenings with as once I have put my son to bed it can be rather lonely/boring/monotonous. I do not have many friends who are local to me and seem to have lost the ability to make new ones - sorry I seem to be hijacking your thread with my own little pity party!

Original poster
sparkle00 · 15/03/2017 21:40

Hello dimples Smile don't apologise. It's good to talk.
Can I ask why you haven't dated?
I feel the same some evenings. It can become lonely. I lost alot of friends through my divorce and through myself into all of the changes that came with it.
It was a stressful few years and then I started studying so years have passed and I haven't friends either. People I work with and go to uni with. Everyone has their own lives. Everyone is married.
It's difficult. It can be lonely.

OP posts:
dimples76 · 15/03/2017 22:00

Essentially because in that period of time the only men that have shown any interest in me in IRL were not single or just after a one night stand.

I tried online dating but just never seemed to click with anyone. I went on quite a lot of first dates but the men I liked never seemed to reciprocate other than as friends and I did make myself go on 2nd (3rd and 4th dates) with guys I was not drawn to as I felt maybe my expectations were too high.

It wasn't really a conscious decision to stop dating but I got a few rather disturbing messages online that made me close down my profile.

Then I decided that as Mr Right didn't seem to be on the horizon and I wanted to be a Mum I would have to go it alone. I decided to adopt and was 'committed' to being single leading up to and during the approval process and during the early years.

I think what I crave the most is a proper hug

PositiveThinking1234 · 23/03/2017 12:18

sparkle00
Hang in there it's been 19 years for me! I believe life gets in the way... work, studying, health etc. I am beginning to think que sera, sera.... tried every angle online dating etc. I totally understand how you feel... I have deleted fb as I feel so worthless etc next to everyone. But keep your head up sparkle00. Enjoy your life meantime. And here's hoping you meet your Soulmate (me too).

Original poster
sparkle00 · 23/03/2017 19:23

Positive - thankyou 😊
Fb gets me down too sometimes. I try to stay clear if it if I'm feeling a bit rubbish.
I'm so busy, I think I will be single for a while. I struggle with feeling lonely sometimes but trying to fill my time (if I have any) with different activities.
I hope you do too 😊

OP posts:
PositiveThinking1234 · 23/03/2017 19:34

sparkle00
Somehow our turn will come.... very very hard at times. Don't give up, just put it on the back burner. 💕

FindingJessica · 23/03/2017 20:13

I think when you have time in your life you will meet someone. I've been single 3 years now and I think I'll meet someone when the time is right. I think maybe I'm not meant to at the moment as I have my son at a tricky age. I think there are some benefits to being single. I look younger than my coupled peers as I'm more relaxed (no father on scene to have to consider). I sleep well and more (no one disturbs me) and don't have other people issues, eat exactly what I want (very healthy), exercise when I want and have ridiculous anti ageing regimes that a man would laugh at and possibly not tolerate and I have an exciting job that some men would get jealous about. I'd love to meet someone in the future but for now I'm embracing my total freedom. I think the Universe has its own plan for us.

Original poster
sparkle00 · 24/03/2017 06:40

I do believe everything happens for a reason. We are where we're supposed to be!
Maybe I should remind myself of that and carry that positivity.
It's nice you feel that content with your own company.
Ps I could do with some anti aging tips as I approach 40 Smile if you'd like to share.
I'm also intrigued to know what you do for a living? I'm always stressed and tired in mine.

OP posts:
lasttimeround · 24/03/2017 06:53

I think it'd be worth figuring out what of ghe things you would like you can get in other ways. Could you team up with another single mum nearby and do the occasion stuff for each other. Hesp your kids with mothers day etc. Or if your parents are involved ask them.

You say all your friends are couples. I think you should work on making some new ones that have more space gor you in their lives. Or speak to current friends that actually you'd like to do something with them on the weekend occasionally. I know some people are very 'family only' but many aren't and just need to have more awareness

ShatnersWig · 24/03/2017 08:13

You're damned if you do, damned if your don't. You either get told to make sure your life is full, keep busy, do lots of activities so that you improve your chances of meeting someone but if they don't turn up you're having a great time or that someone will turn up when you have time in your life, so maybe don't do so much?

Or you get told "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "wait for it to come to you" although no one ever says that about looking for a new house or a new job.

Anyway, even if you can be out doing lots of activities and enjoying yourself, there are lots of things that you just want someone to share them with, to have someone at home to talk about your day at work, to wake up next to in the morning. You can still have a very full life and be generally positive but feel incredibly lonely a lot of the time.

I say this as a man who feels your pain having been single 7 years and not had a date in over 5.

megletthesecond · 24/03/2017 08:23

8yrs here and probably at least another ten to go. Logistically it's not practical to meet anyone (lone parent with mortgage and no babysitters) and I've got general repairs to do on my body first.

armpitz · 24/03/2017 08:24

36 years!

Walkacrossthesand · 24/03/2017 08:54

22 years single (punctuated by a 3yr LDR which wasn't going anywhere so doesn't seem to 'count'). Haven't given up hope, but I've stopped actively looking and I focus on being happy, which is the only thing I can make happen...

happyfrown · 24/03/2017 10:03

haven't read all replies.

i was single for 2yrs, with 2 ds's from ex P. i was feeling abit lonely, like you say longing some company. some one to sit down with in the evenings for a hug.

so. i meet last partner (now ex) 2yrs after splitting with boys dad. at first, it was nice to have a cuddle and some one to chat to. BUT then came the farting, smelly, lazy idle, man. other than having dd together all i gained from a partner was more washing, house work and less time for myself. couldn't watch my programmes cos sports was on constantly, plates, bowls, cola bottles and washing scattered all over the place. he had a son from previous relationship that he used my home as a dumping ground while he watched tv.
and as silly as it sounds i love going to bed without being pestered for sex every night. 3 kids is exhausting and i just wanted to sleep!!

im not saying all men are like this, although the majority of friends i had past and present moan more about their OH than positive things.

saying that, everyone deserves to feel/be loved and wanted. i hope you find the right man for you.