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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Single parent = desperate

22 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 18:34

I've never dated as a single parent before up until now, but wow! I'm pretty shocked by the views of a lot of men out there. I have a 2 year old and decided I'll dip my toe into the dating world again. But the general feeling I get from men (strangely a fair bit older than me) is that I'm a desperate/lonely women who has no standards and will date whatever is thrown at me. This couldn't be further from the truth. Now that I'm a parent I'm even more pickier then I was before for obvious reasons.

I would like to think I'm a fairly attractive woman, have a job and own my own property. I find it very sad that now I'm a single parent a lot of men view me as a vulnerable women who is desperate to meet a man

OP posts:

Nomoreworkathome · 12/03/2017 18:53

Hmmm...... I never had even a whiff of that sort of attitude and neither did my single parent friends. How odd. You must be very unlucky to have come across so many men with that same viewpoint.

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 19:01

I've only just started dating as a single parent, so maybe I've just been a bit unlucky. But it has put me off a bit.

OP posts:

FuzzyDiamond · 12/03/2017 19:05

I'm a single parent and thankfully have never found that. There are definitely some guys that think they can just slot themselves into a ready made family though. You have a lot to offer, hope you meet someone fun :)

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 19:08

That's good to know. This is all new to me, dating with a child. My concern is I'm too fussy now and won't end up with anyone

OP posts:

Gallavich · 12/03/2017 19:10

I have only had one man who gave off that vibe. Thankfully he was wrong and my life doesn't include him!
I'm sure there are loads of men who wouldn't consider dating me as a single mum but of the ones I do date, i don't get that attitude at all.

LivelyLima · 12/03/2017 19:11

I am really glad you don't feel vulnerable OP, but this single mother did. It is possible that 'some' men might want to take advantage of those that are feeling more vulnerable .

Nomoreworkathome · 12/03/2017 19:16

There are nice blokes out there OP who are ok with someone having DC but you may have to sift through a lot of chaff to find them.

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 19:18

I can understand that if I gave off that vibe that I was desperate and vulnerable that I may attract those type of guys. But I'm far from it, I'm content on my own with my daughter and happy to wait until the right person comes into our lives.

OP posts:

highinthesky · 12/03/2017 19:20

It's not you OP, it's them!

Men on dating sites seem to think they are Gods gift when they are in fact scrag end with little to offer. It suits them to think women are desperate! Compare the male and female profiles if you don't believe me.

Nicky42 · 12/03/2017 19:26

I have never met any men like that but I have seen a lot of guys profiles that make the assumption that single mothers are desperate. It makes me laugh really as generally those men have absolutely zero to offer any woman, whereas I have my own home, car and an excellent job. But obviously as a single mother I am desperately looking for the next father figure for my children...

drowningindaffodils · 12/03/2017 19:42

cherryblossom
I totally agree! Which dating site do you use? I have been using ok cupid for a long time & have found so many guys are asking questions like 'why do YOU need to use a dating site?' & 'what are you looking for' as a fucking opener! I always reply 'I don't NEED to its a CHOICE. Good-bye.
Until recently I've only encountered maniacs & idiots on that site.

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 19:46

I haven't actually even started using dating sites. Amazingly this is a guy I met through a friend, he asked me out for a date and it was pretty clear he was after just one thing from me. I was shocked TBH because he knows I'm not that type of woman. I was furious as I have little time as it is and only want to date people who are serious about getting to know me. It's completely put me off.

OP posts:

drowningindaffodils · 12/03/2017 19:52

Oh ok, that was presumptuous of me to assume you use a dating site!
Don't give up! There's decent guys out there (apparently)

Hissy · 12/03/2017 19:56

Yanbu

There were many idiots asking "how long have you been single" an innocent question, but often it was fishing to see how long it had been since you've had a shag.

LovelyUnicorn83 · 12/03/2017 21:06

I had this although never been OLD. I met a man whilst out with friends and went for a drink with him. When he found out my kids have 6 years between them he said wow two kids by two dads! F off!

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/03/2017 21:20

My concern is I'm too fussy now and won't end up with anyone

Surely it's better to be single and have life the way you want it, rather than settle for someone you end up resenting because you decided to overlook qualities you don't like?

If you have a 2 year old I'm guessing you're in your 20s or 30s? You have loads of time, you don't need to rush!

stubbornstains · 12/03/2017 21:28

Woah! Hang on! So, you meet one wanker, and from this extrapolate that all men think that single mums are fair game? Wankers happen to childless women, too! Having kids even puts some wankers off.

It's OK, OP. Plenty of single mums go on to meet perfectly decent men (speaking from experience here ). But you're always going to meet the odd wanker. Nothing a simple "fuck off" won't cure .

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 21:28

Ha I'm in my early 40's - 41. I started late! I don't want another child so dating to meet a new partner to have another child isn't my priority. I'm looking for a life partner to enjoy time with but at the same time woulducn rather stay single until I find the right person. So really I'm in no rush.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 12/03/2017 21:31

I'm going on my own experience and friends, it's just a general feeling I get. I'll report back in a years time and let you know if I've changed my mind

OP posts:

Concernedmum4567 · 12/03/2017 21:40

Do let us no:)

Kikikaakaa · 12/03/2017 22:10

I know one guy who I used to be friends with, who I was getting emotionally close to once upon a time, when he started up with a friend of mine secretly. I asked him why they kept it secret and that I felt a little led up the garden path, and his response was that single mums are a little desperate and usually good for sex only, never to date.
Thankfully I had neither had sex with him or dated and that was the end of our 'friendship'

But that's one guy, I haven't known many others quite that special

LemonSqueezy0 · 13/03/2017 09:10

I had met the guy I thought would be the love of my life. We were both young, single, no kids. The chemistry was amazing but as We both felt we had met too young so kept each other on the back burner..no one ever matched up to him, all our friends 'knew' we'd end up together.. . Anyway, we both felt ready to date each other and settle down into a relationship. We were on a lovely date, great restaurant, the chemistry was boiling away, conversation flowing and we started talking about our future and about who we'd been dating never matching up to each other . He said he'd been OLD and specifically picking single mothers as 'they were like shooting fish in barrels and he'd always be able to get dates etc' I was so horrified and dried up like a prune. It absolutely killed it for me, and I couldn't look at him the same way again. So yes, some people do think like that.. But not all men are arses, just some.

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