How did I get here again?

[Complicationsoftheheart]

My heart genuinely hurts, how can one man make you feel as though you will combust with love,hate,fear, anger and jealousy all at the Same time?

Long story short I thought that he wanted me as much as I did him, it turns out he doesn't and deep down I knew but it still hurts, now I'm in bed alone sobbing my heart out.

Sorry for the heart ache you are going through , it's impossible to think that an emotional ache can feel so physical too. It will ease in time. Would you like to talk about what happen?

Exdp and I have been talking about getting back together for months.
it's been great he's been around a lot more and we've been trying hard to get to know each other again, that was until Friday night when he didn't come home and I just knew he had been with the ow from 4 years ago.

He doesn't want me and our family as much as he wants her and I just feel stupid believing in him, I know the pain will get better and it's not as bad as before but god it's still painful.

I think what really affects you, as well as all that, is the fact you're not in control of your own life; you're simply waiting to see what he does and what decisions he makes.

Take control and tell him to get out. You'll be surprised how just doing that will make a huge difference to the way you feel. Start to believe that you will decide on your future, not him, and tell him you're not putting up with it any longer. No last warnings, no tears, no recriminations. Just "Get out. I don't love you any more. I don't want to even look at you any more." Whether you believe those words or not, say them with conviction. Believe me, you'll feel a lot better.

You've hit the nail on the head imperial
I've sat back for so long allowing him to come and go as he pleases that it's just become the norm.

Sometimes, we just have to let someone be with someone else, regardless of how much it stings.For our own sanity, we have to accept the rejection and leave them be. It's hard when we want and desire them so much, but if they don't feel the same way, it's the end. The sooner you get your head around this, the easier your life will be.

A good cry will do you good and then decide these are the last tears you will devote to this man and concentrate upon yourself.

I left him to it when he left to be with her, it destroyed every part of me and has taken 4 years to rebuild myself and I've foolishly taken him back.

I don't know for sure if it was a one night thing but I can't and won't allow him to ruin me again.

The fact that you know what he has done and what you need to do, means you've already taking a step forward to healing whether you consciously know this. You are more resilient and stronger than you let yourself believe and he obviously doesn't deserve you. He will never change and you know better now than to let him in again with his manipulative ways.

I'm feeling exactly what you are now !
The pain is so so so bad it's like I don't think I can actually stand it X
So disappointed in the man and yes to all those emotions at the same time. They come over in waves .. Do yours ? If you want I can pm you we can help each other through this total nightmare x

Well he's definitely back with her, what a fool I am.

How could he do this again and why did I let him? I knew deep down what was going to happen and I didn't stop it, I should have for my sons sake aswell as my own.