Instinctive distrust of someone

[Pebbles1989]

I'd be interested to hear if this feeling usually proves to be correct. My mum is dating someone whom I distrust instinctively, despite him seeming nice. I can't put my finger on why, but my DP feels the same way. We both have quite good instincts when it comes to this sort of thing.

I recently found out that he has lied continuously about where his daughter went to university. Unfortunately my mum believes this lie and thinks the sun shines out of his arse.

Is this feeling usually reliable in your experience?

My DH is pretty good. I'm a bit crap.. I like everyone

It's always something I've relied on and I've always been proven to be right on it, even though sometimes I haven't found out for certain for quite a while.

I know it sounds obvious but have you Googled him thoroughly? If he's been to prison there should be something on him somewhere.

Why do you think he lied about his daughter's education? Do you think he is just someone who lies all the time?

I have bullshit radar. DH is rubbish lol.

Go with you're gut.

Definitely go with your gut instinct. I probably wouldn't get involved just be on hand to be supportive

I have Googled him and everything he has said about his professional life seems to stack up.

I think he lied to make his daughter look like she went to a more prestigious university than she did (think Oxford/Oxford Brookes). Unfortunately DP and I went to the more prestigious one and suspected the lie immediately. We have recently been proved right.

I'm not getting too involved as my mother gets extremely defensive if I raise it. I think she suspects the university lie too.

It's vanishingly rare for instinctive trust to be wrong!

I think you would be doing your mum a favour if you highlight any lies you can be sure he has told - the uni one is a good example. However, if it's a question of prestige then it's quite possible she will defend him as she will see it as a triviality. All you can do really is keep an eye on the situation. She's lucky to have you.

Yes. Nearly always reliable. Maybe always reliable.

I think if other things stack up I'd be less concerned. There's a difference between distrusting a perpetual liar and someone who is mostly honest.

Could it be that he knew from your mother you went there and hence 'lied' as was concerned you'd look down on them? Just a thought.

Meh my mum is very obsessed over status,prestige and big names. She never told anyone i was pregnant or when i worked as a cleaner. She tells people now I'm a teacher,when I'm a TA. She tells people i live in London,and while the oyster works..nope it's not London.She asked me when DD was two if we had plans of sending her to Cambridge.She's an idiot but she's (mostly) a harmless idiot.

Well Jeffrey Archer fudged his CV, for years, to suggest he'd been to "Oxford" when in fact he'd been to a teaching college (or similar, I don't remember exactly) based in the town...

...and he was a thoroughly upstanding member of the community so I'm sure you have nothing to worry about

As much as you don't like him the more time you spend together with your dm in his company the more chance for more crap to surface. . All stacking against him until dm won't be able to ignore...

A friend married someone I felt like this about. My OH thought I was being too negative and possibly snobbish. Needless to say he turned out to be a fantasist with a vindictive side. It didn't end well.

Trust your instincts! If you have kids, keep them away from him until you work out what exactly his deal is.

While your instincts may turn out to be very right, your mother is going to believe whatever she wants to during this honeymoon period. You may risk an argument with her, and her taking sides with the new partner who then gets unfettered access to her for manipulation purposes. The best strategy is 'damage limitation' with the suspect. Therefore, keep sources of money or anything he could use for his advantage away from him. If you keep the communication-channels open with your mother, you can listen in for signs of trouble...these fantasy-types often start making demands sooner or later for favours of one kind or another. I don't think over-stating your child's education is a huge crime to be honest, as many people want to present themselves and their off-spring in a good light. However, it can be a sign of a slippery slope which could mean he is one big walking lie...those types often come with tangled romantic pasts, huge debts (living a fantasy life costs if they cannot find a partner...i mean sponsor) and you need to be there to pick up the pieces for your mum when this all goes wrong.