How do you maintain your relationship after you've had children?

[Honey1975]

We have 2 children aged 9 & 4. They are both quite demanding and we're going through a challenging time with our eldest's behaviour.
We both work, me p/t school hours.

I have a chronic condition which can be painful & often leaves me very tired although I struggle to go to bed early, always stuff to be doing. I also suffer with anxiety which affects my mood. DH is always tired and happily goes to bed by 9.30pm every night.

Things have been strained lately and I know much of it is down to tiredness and just the fast pace of family life. I look at other couples though who still seem to be totally loved up, well, according to their facebook posts😄! I do love my DH but after work, kids, coping with my condition, I am exhausted and he is too.

How do other people manage to actually maintain a strong relationship with all these other demands going on? I feel like I'm just on autopilot from the moment I wake up.

Stop looking at Facebook, it is a total nonsense full of people who have time to post pictures of themselves all coupled up looking for 'approval'. That is not your reference standard for your own relationship but looking at that can alter your perception of what you have. I have children a similar age, we both work and I have to take care of an elderly sick parent on top of running the family business and my own business, I am quite seriously ill with loads of medical issues going on...how do we survive relationship-wise? Date-night, once every two weeks...a few hours when the kids are at school or when a baby-sitter is free. Coffee, dinner, beer, a trip to the zoo, a naughty afternoon in a local hotel...whatever space you need to communicate and keep in touch with each other, outside being co-parents, co-workers, co-occupants etc. If you don't make this space and enforce it, you will be in danger of drifting apart.