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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ever been cheated on?

19 replies

jklyui · 05/03/2017 21:30

I've just found out my boyfriend of 4 years and father of our child slept with another woman.

What I want to know is if you have been cheated on, did you work though it? Or did you leave?

I have no idea what to do. This is the only man I've ever truly loved and I feel so hurt and betrayed.
One minute I'm a sobbing mess, the next I'm looking at him as if he's the same guy I fell in love with, then I remember what he's done and it's just a huge wave of anger and I'm declaring I'm leaving again.
I got away for the weekend to a hotel and spent the whole time just in the room missing him but hating him at the same time. Sad

OP posts:
Audreyhelp · 05/03/2017 21:32

What does he say was it an affair or a one off ?

ImperialBlether · 05/03/2017 21:32
Flowers

Look up hysterical bonding - it will really mean a lot to you at the moment.

Lilaclily · 05/03/2017 21:32

I've been cheated on once, it was a one night stand and I stayed with my boyfriend but it wasn't the same really and I ended up cheating on him and leaving

AtSea1979 · 05/03/2017 21:37

Yes I've been cheated on. I imagine most people have at some point. I tried to stay but the trust was gone and the paranoia was affecting my sanity so I walked away.

Original poster
jklyui · 05/03/2017 21:38

I think it was a drunken one off. But I had already made concerns about the girl (he worked with, and as working away). It happened last year but it's all come out now. It hurts me to think how many times I questioned and he denied it and still carried on being friends with her and posing for smiley photos on her facebook. I had a feeling something wasn't right but he kept reassuring me they were just friends.
He no longer works at the place and is no longer in contact. But she messaged me with great detail letting me know what happened.

OP posts:
SinglePringle · 05/03/2017 21:40

By every serious partner I've ever had (three of them).

As a result, I've been single a very very long time (and I'm gorgeous!)

Isthereanybodythere · 05/03/2017 21:50

It doesn't really matter what other people do in your situation, you just have to do what you think is the right thing for you and your child and not worry about anyone else's opinions.

If you think it's worth a shot trying to fix it then have a go. You know yourself better than anyone else on here, if you think you can move forward and put it right then try, but you will not be able to do it unless your partner is on board.

Also, please understand that you are worthy of being treated well and in a respectful manner, do not stay because you believe that you are unworthy of anything better.

fivetowine · 05/03/2017 21:58

I have been cheated on. He was gone within the hour of me finding the pathetic desperate texts from his 21 yo girlfriend. I've never ever regretted it. My only regret is ever meeting him in the first place.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't do it so I won't put up with someone doing it to me. The lies were worse than the cheating although of course the two go hand in hand.
Sorry you're going through this op Flowers

kissmewherethesundontshine · 05/03/2017 22:00

Iv been there Sad
From experience if she messaged you out of the blue (without you asking) it's more than a one night thing, they will have been seeing each other & she either wants him to leave you or is seeking revenge for him hurting her.

Hope you are ok you deserve better Flowers

frogsgoladidahdidah · 05/03/2017 22:01

What kissme said. There must be more too it, otherwise why would she say something now?

I'm so sorry. WineFlowersCake

Original poster
jklyui · 05/03/2017 22:09

Oh no, this isn't the first time 'she' has messaged me, she spent a good 4 months sending me anonymous abuse via all platforms. He'd been denying it and saying the person was crazy. I decided to message her and ask for the abuse to stop and she told me to ask him for the truth. I did, and he came out with it. She then decided I assume to rub my nose in it.
He is very genuinely sorry, and I know he hasn't seen her since leaving that job. He wants to make it work and has said he will do absolutely anything.
But every time I close my eyes, or I'm caught of guard and just thinking I picture them two and my heart breaks all over again.

OP posts:
chipscheesentomatosauce · 05/03/2017 22:10

What was her reason for telling you?! What a cow. And he is no better!

I'm sorry Flowers

chipscheesentomatosauce · 05/03/2017 22:11

Sorry, X post

Underthemoonlight · 05/03/2017 22:16

DS dad cheated on me had no idea until he walked out and left me. He had cheated when he was younger on previous GF and told me he grew up, he hasn't I even heard he's cheated on his wife. If they do it once they will do it again.

user1481490957 · 05/03/2017 22:24

I was cheated on and also decided to try and move past it but it never worked. More details of deceit came to the surface, is this the only time he isnt telling you of coz he wouldnt have ever told you unless she brought it to your attention. Once the trust is gone its extremely hard, you will always wonder where he is who hes messaging any change in behaviour will arouse suspicion, the images dont leave your mind. I stuck it out for 10 months after finding out and I destroyed myself so much i ended up on antidepressants and zero self confidence. These fits of rage that you feel when you think about it take along time to subside if at all and it will make your life hell. Its ultimately up to you OP but the repercussions could be very damaging to you when you did nothing to deserve it. Stay strong Flowers

Audreyhelp · 05/03/2017 22:34

I was cheated on four years ago. We are still together. It's never quite the same but you can get past it and we are happier than ever now.

Kikikaakaa · 05/03/2017 22:38

I was cheated on multiple times by one guy. It was the lying that was awful. It was so calculated. And everyone knew and no one told me. I lost so many friends and so much out of my life. I hate him still.

But saying this, I think I could forgive a ONS... everything would depend on the circumstances. And I cheated once on an ex and he forgave me although our relationship was so bad by that point, it was past recovering and we were never the same again and I ended it.

eclipse16 · 06/03/2017 19:01

Sorry you are going through this OP. It all depends on your own relationship and how strong it is I think. If it was already showing cracks before this happened then you really do have to assess whether it's worth fighting for or not. If you do stay with him then I imagine it will be really tough so you'd need a really solid and robust relationship to start with to make it work.
You don't have to make any decisions straight away so just give yourself time to work out what you want xx

noego · 06/03/2017 19:10

I don't believe you can ever recover that trust again. There is always going to be that niggling doubt and it will be in your head, not theirs.

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