Would this annoy you?

[Arcadia]

I am off work physically ill this week, and on medication that may be affecting my mood, but also feeling down and rubbish as some crap stuff has been happening recently.

My DP called during his lunch break and I starting crying and told him what I was upset about, he was really good, said we would deal with it, said we should talk more etc.

Once he got home from work he didn't really say anything, and as soon as DD was in bed he has just buggered off out to go swimming. He is usually gone nearly two hours (but doesn't normally go on a Thursday - I usually go out and do a class but not well enough) . I have been stuck home on my own all day as well.

Would you expect your OH to keep you company in these circumstances, or at least ask if you are OK? BTW I may sound like hard work but I have been bottling stuff up for ages and haven't cried to him for a long time.

Just to clarify the stuff I am upset about is not about our relationship specifically.

I would expect them to at least ask if I was okay, yes.

What's he usually like when it comes to talking about important stuff? Do you usually instigate the conversations or does he?

Either way I would be a bit upset he didn't even ask if I was alright. Not sure I would expect him to cancel plans though unless it was seriously bad.

Hope you're better soon though

Thanks for your response. He is a Terrible communicator. He's just got back and asked if I want a tea. That's all we've said.

Can you raise it again whilst you dunk biscuits in your tea together?

'Thank you for reassuring me today when I had a wobble. I'm really not feeling well and wanted to ask you about XXXXX and what you think?'

Hope you feel better soon.

Maybe you should purchase a man-shaped voodoo style doll that comes with pins? You could have shoved it in the bath like it was drowning in a swimming pool. Would have made you feel empowered I feel.
But he was a twat for not asking if you would rather he stayed in when you ob have stuff on your mind tonight. (and being ill he should have suggested he did anyway)

DH, bless him, is like this. Fantastic when I'm at that moment expressing my needs, but if I appear ok, useless!
We work well and we're very happy. I just have to be very careful to not bottle things up and express my needs.

When DH or I are ill we tend to leave each other alone rather than keep each other company. It isnt about not caring but we both are happier left to get on with it alone. We will check in with each other, offer drinks as appropriate but not sit with each other.

So no, what you described wouldnt annoy me.

Perhaps he forgot about the phonecall.

My husbands the same. Great at the actual moment of upset/crisis but later on when I appear fine, it doesnt cross his mind to ask me about the earlier upset. I'd definitely just broach it with him.

We've just been chatting. He says that's enough chatting now (he can only manage 5-10 mins at a time!). Slightly back into my good books now though. Thanks for the replies.

Yeah gnome I am the same when really ill but now in the convalescent stage - and no one to talk to during the day!

folded and kool both sound very similar to mine!

While I do really sympathise with how you are feeling, I do have a bit of sympathy with your H too. He has been at work all day and took a stress making phone call from you in his lunch break, during which he was patient and sympathetic.

We all need some down time at the end of a working day. He is probably avoiding asking you how you are because he knows he'll then be in for a major stress dump. Then off to bed with all that stress running around his brain and up early tomorrow for another day at work.

You say he's a terrible communicator but you've bottled up your feelings and then without telling him what you want/need get annoyed when he doesn't mind read and offer. It would have been nice for him to offer but I think you need to be clearer with what you need and communicate better as well.

Hope you feel better OP.

Sorry to say but, I'm with your DH here too.

I would expect DP to ask if I'm ok and know she would offer to cancel her plans but I wouldn't let her and I would want her to do what your DH has done.
No point both being miserable

So he can only spare 5-10 minutes to be with you ? Is this 5-10 mins every day ?

And do you have to share this alllcation of his precious time with your child ( is it his child too ) or does he get his own 5 mins?

I wouldn't expect him to stay in and keep me company no.

He's only giving you 5-10 minutes, eh, does he think you're a sales rep, how odd.

He gets tired really quickly when I talk to him!

Is he 5?

No but he is very introverted but does quite a busy job so by the time he gets home and DD has 'talked at him' (as he puts it) until her bedtime he is exhausted so not much energy left for me.

DD and I very chatty, he is very quiet.

Oh dear, I can see both your points of view here.

I'm an introvert like your H and I do a job where people "talk at" me all day long. When I get home, I really need about an hour of peace and quiet, no TV, nobody brain dumping on me. Once I've had some quiet time to recharge my batteries, I'm ready to talk. However, if I've had a particularly stressful day, someone else's stresses are too much for me to cope with.

On the other hand, I have been a stay at home parent and remember what it was like when my H got home from work and I was desperate to talk to another adult and how rejected and hurt and lonely I felt when he clearly didn't want to engage in conversation with me.

As always, this is about compromise. He needs space and quiet at the end of his working day but you need him to listen and talk to you once he's had that.

As always, this is about compromise. He needs space and quiet at the end of his working day but you need him to listen and talk to you once he's had that

I agree. I'm just not sure that the balance is right. So OPs husband gets , what 5 hours peace each evening? ( let's assume he gets home from work at 6pm and goes to bed at 11pm) . And she gets 5-10 mins talking.

It's hard to have a relationship with someone who can only spare you 5-10 mins of their time each day, for whatever reason.