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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

confused and disbelief over life with ex partner

12 replies

confused2017 · 22/02/2017 11:47

Hi, name changed for this.
I am currently going through family court. My solicitor ran a criminal history/police check on my as per normal practice at their law firm. What has come back has shocked me. My ex was violent throughout our whole relationship but i never reported to police. He has quite a record, and I knew nothing about it. He has the following charges:
assault
endangering life
causing serious injury
reckless behaviour
destruction of property.

Besides all that he is known by five separate names and has about three different birthdates listed and I have no idea what his real name and birthdate is.

We were together for five years. How could I not see this? I don't even know his real name or age.

I guess I just really needed to vent. I know he is my ex but this has come as a complete shock.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 22/02/2017 11:52

If he was violent throughout your relationship it really shouldn't be that much of a shock.

Have you been in contact with Womens Aid?
0808 2000 247
To put up with violence and abuse for 5 years will mean you need some help and support.
You may already be getting it. I do hope so.

Look after yourself.

Poudrenez · 22/02/2017 12:40

That's really chilling OP. We never really know people as well as we think we do and this is the extreme end of that. It's not your fault - he's obviously a well practiced fraud.

Original poster

confused2017 · 22/02/2017 14:02

I just don't see how I missed it all. My solicitor has been great and she asked me to come in to an appointment and sat me down and told me all of this. It is mainly the names and the dates of birth that have got me. I am confused because I don't really know who he really is and we had 2 children together and were engaged. My best friend drove me to the appointment and stayed for a few hours afterwards to make sure I was ok but to the 2 people I know IRL who know about this, they also said some of it came as a shock. They said they were not shocked about the assault charges but were about the fake names and dates of birth.

OP posts:

Poudrenez · 22/02/2017 14:15

Take your time OP - you will be able to process this eventually. It must be a huge shock though. You missed it because you thought had no reason to look for it.

xStefx · 22/02/2017 14:19

So is it a fake name on your DC's birth certificates?

Fairybella · 22/02/2017 14:22

Bloody hell I didn't know my ex either!
You will probably end up with some feeling like grief when you come to terms with this and then even more relief! Stay strong op... hope you get to the bottom of this

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 22/02/2017 14:22

Good point stef! How did he get away with it?! Did you never go on holiday? Fake passport? Im so glad youve seen him for what he is now.

Dragongirl10 · 22/02/2017 14:23

Sorry for your horrible shock...but if he was violent to you why are you surprised there were other incidents.....being violent to your fiance and the mother of your children is not the actions of a nice person.....more a violent thug.

I hope you manage to move on and eventually find a loving, kind partner.

xStefx · 22/02/2017 14:27

Im sure you have to take your passport and birth certificate when registering a child? Im just confused as to how he got away with that one.

Patchouli666 · 22/02/2017 19:38

I went to my birth fathers funeral. Had some contact about ten years before that but none after. Got some belongings of his handed to me by a cousin and there was a birth certificate in there with a different day and year of birth to what he'd told my mum. They'd been married but got divorced due to him having three affairs at the same time when she was pregnant with me. She went to find her marriage certificate and the don wasn't his birth registered one. He'd told my mum he was the same age as her but was two years older. It was down to a criminal record ( drugs) and him not wanting to be found out. So it does happen!

Original poster

confused2017 · 22/02/2017 21:53

I am in Australia and you don't need to take a passport to register births. You just need to sign the form.

OP posts:

springydaffs · 22/02/2017 22:17

I don't think it's fair to say 'why shouldn't you be surprised'. It's very shocking to discover this, regardless what may have gone before.

But, please, don't blame yourself. Please don't! This has nothing to do with you - anyone could do this to anyone else. Most people just don't. There is no way you could have sussed something like this.

Give yourself time. It's going to take time to get over it and the only way is through xx

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