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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Db ex wife stole his passport

32 replies

School2 · 19/02/2017 21:36

Advice needed!
On Valentine's Day my db and I were due to go for a couple of days abroad for a romantic getaway. In the morning we were both ready to make our way to the airport and were about to call our Uber's from our respective homes. However when db went to get his passport from his home office drawer it wasn't there. He immediately suspected his ex wife as she had been in the house the day before. He called her she denied it. He called me and I calmly said let's not let her ruin our time together so we went to Cornwall for 2 days instead. We had a good time and we are happy together.
On Friday she called him and told him he could come and collect his passport. So she admitted it.

This has made me so angry. I know she's jealous and bitter but who does that sort of thing?! Whats worse is I wanted my db to report it to the police which he has refused to do as they have children together. The children are teenagers and she couldn't stop them seeing their dad as they want to see him. I just want to know what I should do and how to handle this?
I did say to db is crazy behaviour and reporting it to the police would help us to get a restraining order if we ever need one but he's not willing. Should I just move on and forget about it (which is hard) or should I do something?
So confused.

OP posts:
peppatax · 19/02/2017 21:39

Sorry I read that as you were on a romantic break with your brother and couldn't get my head around why the passport was the issue

RitaConnors · 19/02/2017 21:41

Moi aussi Peppa.

Thought one didn't need a passport for Paris.

Leggit · 19/02/2017 21:43

You should do nothing. If his ex wife is stealing things from him that is between him and her, meantime he just needs to report his passport as lost and get a replacement.

reallyanotherone · 19/02/2017 21:43

Db? Dear brother?

Confused..

Chloe84 · 19/02/2017 21:45

I think OP means dear boyfriend. Or dearly beloved.

Does ex-wife have a key to his home? He should change locks. She sounds vindictive. Did they part badly?

DoloresVanCartier · 19/02/2017 21:45

If you were on a romantic break with your brother I think you have more to worry about than the ex wife!!

Not helpful I know.

Ollycat · 19/02/2017 21:46

I thought it was a brother at first but think it's a boyfriend?

justgivemethepinot · 19/02/2017 21:47

Possibly OP meant dear boyfriend but I read it as brother too.

BrownEyedLady · 19/02/2017 21:48

Well you both have some more useful info about the EW. She can't come to the house anymore (or at least be left unattended).

Ellisandra · 19/02/2017 21:51

What on earth was his XW doing not only in his home but in his office with unhindered solo access to his drawer? Confused

Ellisandra · 19/02/2017 21:52

As for how to handle it...
I'm actually with your boyfriend about not involving the police if this is the only thing she's done.
But I'd dump him if he didn't make it clear she was never coming into his home again.

BonnyScotland · 19/02/2017 21:54

what she did was illegal and she would be charged ... he is being very kind in not doing so ....

Bluntness100 · 19/02/2017 21:57

I got hung up on the brother thing too. Then had to wrack my brains to work out what it could be , whilst hoping it wasn't an incest tale. 😂😂😂

Just write boyfriend of partner or even dp.

Original poster
School2 · 20/02/2017 16:31

Oh dear, I meant dear boyfriend. I will use dp from now on 😬.

So ex wife had access to his home office because he lives with his mum and she went to visit her. During that time she went upstairs to use the bathroom and went into his office and stole passport from his top drawer.

I feel annoyed because she set out to deliberately ruin our trip, she may not like he's moved on but she can't act like this. It's not like it only affected him.

OP posts:
Gingerbreadlass · 20/02/2017 16:37

I hope you don't own a bunny.

Ground rules need to be in place IMO. Where was your boyfriend's mother? She can go and meet her crazy ex daughter in law in a café from now on.

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/02/2017 16:38

He needs to put a lock on the office door.

SpiritedLondon · 20/02/2017 16:39

Oh I would be so pissed off too! In fact I would arrange another weekend to Paris and keep the passport safely under lock and key. I might be inclined to send a lovely postcard too! ( I wouldn't but I would plaster it all over FB)

DoloresVanCartier · 20/02/2017 19:35

OP that's really crap!! He needs to tell EW to stay away, or maybe tell his DM to meet up with her elsewhere! She needs to move on and might need a wee push in the right direction. Hope things get better.

Ellisandra · 20/02/2017 21:46

Well, what does his mother think of that behaviour?

Are there children involved?

Because if my son's ex did that, and there were no children, that'd be the last I'd want to see of her.

theoracleofdelphi · 20/02/2017 22:12

Delicate question but ....... was he still married to her when you started a relationship with him? Not sure why else she would be quite so jealous to stop you going away together?

SandyY2K · 21/02/2017 00:09

She's a lunatic. He needs to tell his mum and she can not let her in the house.

Has he actually spoken to her and she's admitted it?

Are you a new GF or were you the OW? Just trying to figure why she'd do this?

HarmlessChap · 21/02/2017 01:26

Wow crazy Ex!

She told him to collect his passport as she wants to know what she did to fuck up his break.

I suggest that he reports this to the police otherwise having got away scot free she will just do other things in the future. Whatever beef she has with your BF she needs to know that she is not above the law.

Original poster
School2 · 21/02/2017 18:13

I am not the other woman. They divorced 3 years ago and we have been together for 14 months.
I think her problem is that he's moving on as he's told her we are getting married.
They have 2 children together who are teenagers.
At the end of the day he had to leave the marital home and moved in with his mum again, he can't tell his mum who she can and can't let into the house so we have decided that it's time he moved out.
But it's the fact that she's got away with it that makes my blood boil!

OP posts:
user1487450864 · 21/02/2017 18:31

I feel your pain - my EXH shredded my passport so I couldn't go away as well as trashing our (at the time -although he had moved out) martial home. The police said the passport was the only thing they could arrest him for because it was the only thing that was 'my' property.

Montane50 · 21/02/2017 18:44

Total sympathy from me, my dps ew of 10 years manipulated a situation so we had to come back from abroad after 2 days into a 7 day holiday. It backfired because he saw how supportive i was. Be the bigger person, but always keep your wits about you! And be really careful about what she gets to know about future plans (we couldn't tell his kids when we were going away for example)