Memorable Valentines...

[BillericayDuckie]

... but for the wrong reasons!

So, on the eve of the first Valentine's Day in 27 years that I won't be receiving a card, I have thinking of some Valentine's sentiments received in the past and thought it would be fun to share some of these:

Like a lovely single stem red rose with a card that read "to a speical lady, on a speical day"

Or

At uni I was anonymously given a copy of E.M Forster's "A Room With A View" - how romantic, I thought.

In the beautiful card sent with it was written "Come up and screw in my room with a view"....

Having broken up with my boyfriend (who went eventually on to become DH - now EX) I was staying with my very prudish grandparents.

I got a card in the post that my grandmother insisted on opening (her house, her rules). The card said "I will be your knight in shining armour, if you will spend the knight with me".

DH and I only went out for Valentine's Day once, the year after DS was born. We had a special Valentine's menu at a tapas bar and went dancing. Ended up with food poisoning after copping a dodgy oyster (first and last time I ever touched one).

In my early 20s I received an anonymous and OTT Valentine card which could only have been from either a persistently determined one-night stand who wouldn't go away, or from our overweight, balding, late-middle-aged, slightly stalkerish, married binman. Never found out which but neither filled me with joy.

A few years earlier I had another anonymous one that I thought was from another persistent one-night stand (yeah, I know, but they both seemed a good idea after many, many beers). I binned it. Turned out it was actually from someone who I really liked and would have liked to spend a lot more time with. Didn't find out till months later, by which time we both had other boy/girlfriends. Grrrr.

My first ever "boyfriend" (I use that term very loosely) dumped me 2 days before Valentine's and a week before my 21st. I was gutted! He said it was because he was reading all the lovey dovey messages on the cards, realised that we didn't have that and so was finishing it. I've never really bothered with Valentine's since then.

Found out I was pregnant. Ex said he would leave me if I kept it. I was exhausted and in despair. 14 Feb is no longer a fun day for me.

Had my 12week scan for our baby on valentines day for years afo that was nice x

My friend's brother sent me a valentine card to my office...dear god it was utterly filthy I opened it at my desk and everyone within a 500m radius could see me blush, my face was like a beacon

This morning is now the best for me; 3rd valentines since I found out DH cheating, feeling very single and sorry for myself lately for some reason. So just now I'm lying in the bath before getting up for work/school run (three primary aged kids to look after so exhausted!), and my eldest boy (9) brings me a cup of tea in the bath (he rarely makes tea and needs prompting) and tells me he tried to make me toast but the toaster wouldn't work (not plugged in but he wasnt to know). Counting all my blessings and ending the pity party right now!

Ah sibling, that's lovely!

I was given a zombie garden gnome in 2014! It was a 6 month relationship on its last legs and ended about 2 weeks later. It's still in the garden and still amuses me. Done relationships arnt meant to be but you still have a laugh!

The most memorable was during University years ago in the 90's when Purple Ronnie cards with "hilarious" cheeky rhymes were en vogue.

I was single and all female friends were out for dinner dates and romantic evenings after a day of flower deliveries etc Everyone seemed to be receiving these bloody Purple Ronnie cards.

My male best friend decided to make his own version of a Purple Ronnie card with a drawing and a heart with rhyme on the front...and post it under the door of my room.

I can still remember the rhyme...

Some people have such tiny cocks,
And they are hung like gnomes,
Some people are the opposites
And hung like John C Holmes...
But what really counts is....

Your jizz.(written on the inside)

I laughed so hard at that, then he came to drag me out of my non romantic maudlin angst and we went down to the bar and spent a companionable night drinking Newcastle Brown and eating spicy niknaks.

Bliss....

I was mooning around around over a man who was perfect for me - if only he'd see it
We'd had amazing sex, so much in common - but he didn't want a girlfriend at that time because he wanted to concentrate on sport and girlfriends stopped you.
We met via sport, I was sport friendly, couldn't he see?!

So I didn't know whether to send him a card, as I was playing it cool girl. Thought - I'll get one, if he sends me one I'll hand deliver mine.

No card - ah well, at least I didn't make a dick of myself.

On the 15th, he tells he rang his ex the previous day and had ended up going out for dinner and getting back together on Valentine's Day. Yeah, the ex who stopped him doing his sport

I cried myself to sleep.

On the 16th, a card arrived in the post with the wrong postcode and postman corrections on it.

He called her because he sent one and I didn't, and I didn't respond.

I laugh about it now.
He wasn't the one for me.
He tells me that I was the one for him and he was a fool.
(I do know he's just projecting one that got away crap on me)

I was bloody devastated at the time though

As a florist I get to see all the messages people send. One of my favourites over the years has been:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Put these in a vase;
I'll put something in you.

Always makes me chuckle when I think about it!