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Original poster

Is a new relationship a possibility being the only parent to my DS?

19 replies

Jenna42 · 09/02/2017 18:35

Has anyone else been able to have a new relationship even though they are the only parent to a child?
My DS is 16 and he lives with me all the time. He has no contact with his father.

I do meet other men (some single), although I have so far not been interested in any of them (some have been interested in me) but am wondering if in the future I meet someone I like how they might react to me having a son living with me all the time.

OP posts:
user1486613612 · 09/02/2017 18:38

Yes, I have a colleague who met a new husband at your age.

Crispbutty · 09/02/2017 18:39

He's 16, almost an adult. Does he have any additional needs that means your time is restricted?

If not then he is more than old enough to realise you are going to have a new relationship. He's going to be off doing his own thing soon, you don't want him to feel pressured into keeping you company do you?

category12 · 09/02/2017 18:40

Well, your son presumably has his own social life and will become more and more independent? He won't live with you forever. It isn't like you have to stay in every night to look after him, at his age?

EmilyRosanne · 09/02/2017 18:45

A friend of mine has been a lone parent since her second DC was born, the father moved to another country and went completely no contact and never came back. The DC are only 5 & 7 and she is engaged to be married to her fiancé this summer who is lovely.
Initially dating she found hard without babysitters but he would come over for evenings in once DC had gone to bed, when kids had sleepovers etc. I'd say a vast majority of single mothers have their DC with them full time, I am recently seperated and my DC don't spend any overnights with their father.

Original poster
Jenna42 · 09/02/2017 19:16

Thanks for the reassurance. I can get out for evenings and leave him and he does go out with friends at weekends. I think I am just thinking the worst.

OP posts:
Ariya · 09/02/2017 19:54

Of course it is.

When you do meet someone who is right for you, they will want to be with you regardless of your situation.

If they don't, they wouldn't be worth it anyway.

SharkBastard · 09/02/2017 19:57

I was a lone parent to DD, I met my husband when she was 4. She's 8 now and adores her dad, and he adores her.

Sometimes it much easier just having one parent present.

HerOtherHalf · 09/02/2017 20:08

My wife had children from her previous marriage. I loved her deeply(still do obv) and so it was never an issue for me, indeed the kids have enriched my life beyond description. We've been together over 20 years. The right man for you will be out there somewhere. Don't sell yourself short and think you have to settle for mr not-quite-right just because you have a son.

IneedmoreLemonPledge · 09/02/2017 20:14

Don't any of the men you meet have kids OP?

I have a DS and very little family. STBEXH is a nightmare so we are pulling back slowly.

I met a new person when I was least expecting it. He loves my boy and he has a daughter from his marriage.

It's not the way I thought my life would go, and when my marriage broke down I never thought I'd commit again. But we're happy with each other and I love him very much.

megletthesecond · 09/02/2017 20:16

No. But my dc's are still primary age. My social life will resume in a decade or so.

Original poster
Jenna42 · 10/02/2017 05:51

Thank you all. I've been wondering and I think was worried as a single male friend who has liked me for years (who I said no to) told me other men might be put off by me having my ds around all the time.
Life is easier sometimes without troublesome father on the scene.
I have settled for not quite right before because of my ds so never again.

OP posts:
Raisinbrain · 10/02/2017 05:55

Yes. I have been with my DH for ten years. When we met I already had a DS with a crap biological father who never wanted anything to do with us.

WannaBe · 10/02/2017 06:15

Am going to go against the grain slightly and say that IMO having a sixteen year old living with you full-time would be a barrier for a while yes. Not a barrier to meeting people, he's more independent etc now obviously and you would be in a position to be going out without him even in the evenings. But in terms of being able to spend the night with someone either at their house or yours in order to move the relationship to the next level would be almost impossible, and I don't know many people who would want the kind of relationship where they never got to spend the night together until the kids left home.

I'm guessing that you wouldn't want to bring a man home to spend the night if he hadn't met your DS, nor would you want to be telling him you were going to spend the night elsewhere, knowing that he'd know what that means.

I have a DS who is fourteen and who spends most of his time with me now. When I met my DP he was spending 50/50 at his dad's, and therefore it was easy for both of us to start new relationships. But I was saying to my DP only the other day that if we'd met two years later it would have never been able to work as my DS was already spending most of his time here by then.

When the DC are little the restrictions are different. You can allow someone in while they're in bed for instance, and introduce them in time. But with older DC there are different considerations. You can go out without them as they're old enough not to need you, but you can't bring a man home once they're in bed because they're not likely to go to bed much before you do if at all. And to a sixteen year old bringing home a boyfriend means they know you're likely to be having sex which isn't something they want to be contemplating of someone they've never met, although you can IMO tell a sixteen year old that you're dating.

Original poster
Jenna42 · 12/02/2017 17:30

I think it will be a challenge and I guess would depend on the man how it could turn out. I guess the up side of staying single is going to bed early, having a good nights sleep every night and stay looking young.

OP posts:
Mrsfluff · 13/02/2017 05:47

I'm going to disagree with Wanna. I have a 16 year old daughter and have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months. I stay at his and he stays at mine. I can only stay at his when she's home, as we have a dog. I'm assuming she knows we have sex, but its not actually something we discuss. She likes my boyfriend and is happy that I'm happy. I think dating when you've got a teenager is likely easier then dating when you have younger children.

MyheartbelongstoG · 13/02/2017 09:43

I have 3 children. 8, 9 and 10.

I have met men that ran a mile before but 3 years ago I met my boyfriend and he hasn't been put off.....yet!

noego · 13/02/2017 15:41

I have a couple of DP's, one has DS living with them and the other has a DGS living with them.
Doesn't bother me and it certainly doesn't bother them.

Original poster
Jenna42 · 13/02/2017 18:11

That's given me hope again. I felt quite hope less after reading Wannabe's reply. I have no problem meeting men. Just got to meet the right one. I hope someone who'll blend in with my home life too.

OP posts:
Mrsfluff · 13/02/2017 19:54

Fingers crossed for you Jenna. I did online dating, I was upfront with my daughter and told her I was considering it. I was surrounded by family and friends who love me, but at the end of the day I was lonely and wanted someone who was here for me, adult company and to flirt again!!

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