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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

thoughts please....

14 replies

pw2212 · 03/02/2017 11:48

I would appreciate some thoughts / advice on my current situation. Split from long term partner just over two years ago. It was a difficult split and there were loads of problems until last summer.

Last summer I also started talking to a work colleague who was going through a similar situation and we became very close friends-texting a lot, going out for coffee, lunch etc.

Just before Christmas, we went out on work events a couple of times and got very close - hugging, holding hands etc but nothing more. However this week we went out for dinner and ended up sleeping together.

The problem is. after talking about things is that he says he is not sure he is ready for a new relationship. I'm not putting any pressure on him as his divorce is being completed this month but should I just walk away before it gets more complicated?

OP posts:

dalmatianmad · 03/02/2017 11:52

Sorry you've had a rough time of it....
If you like him then I would just take it steady with him, you clearly enjoy each others company if you've been going out for lunch and stuff!

I wouldn't walk away, just see how it goes, he's probs got so much going on if his divorce is being finalised.......

HarmlessChap · 03/02/2017 12:07

Whether he's ready or not you already have "a relationship" of some kind. The unknown quantity is where it's going.

You sound as though you're happy to take it steady, why not say so, hopefully he'll be happy for you to enjoy yourselves and see where things go over the next few months.

InTheMoodForLove · 03/02/2017 12:13

If you think you can handle that once he is over the other side of his divorce and begin to find his feet again he may still not want a full time relationship with you, than see how things go.

Otherwise sleeping with him may mess up your head big time, imo

user892 · 03/02/2017 12:24

should I just walk away before it gets more complicated?

Yes. He's asked you to. What alternative is there?

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 03/02/2017 12:27

After you've slept with him he's announced that he's not ready for a new relationship.

So he's effectively "dumped" you? In which case there's nothing you can do but walk away.

Or he wants a fuck buddy/FWB type of set up?

TheNaze73 · 03/02/2017 13:55

Is asked you to walk away already by what he said, surely?

Adora10 · 03/02/2017 14:02

He's trying to let you down gently, time to move on.

InTheMoodForLove · 03/02/2017 14:05

I see... I missed that part. He actually told you he is not ready for a relationship AFTER he slept with you ?

DietAdviceNeeded · 03/02/2017 14:09

I would hate him for that! The time to tell you that was before sleeping with you, not after. I'd walk away and wouldn't stay friends.

Original poster

pw2212 · 03/02/2017 14:11

Thank you everyone for your replies - I know he does have a lot going on - divorce and sole custody of their children.

I guess I just find his actions confusing - eg cuddling me and holding hands the next day. I think I need to take a step back - how far do I go? We are supposed to be going out for lunch next week.

OP posts:

iremembericod · 03/02/2017 14:16

I think the wise thing to do is step away from someone who is signalling explicitly told you of his emotional unavailability.

Thinkingofausername1 · 03/02/2017 15:12

U sure he is 'getting divorced' many men use this as an excuse to shag outside of the marriage

Original poster

pw2212 · 03/02/2017 15:20

Yes his nisi has been granted and the family home etc has been sold. As mentioned before we have been friends for a little while and have mutual friends etc

OP posts:

Dadaist · 03/02/2017 15:55

Mmm? Maybe he's just starting to come out of his marriage and wants to explore the field - and you're number one on his journey? Look after yourself OP - he may not be ready to go straight into another LTR. His choice - but don't let him confuse you or lead you to sometmwhere you didn't want to go.

Flip