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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

trying to fancy somebody.

10 replies

Teaholic · 02/02/2017 00:13

been OLD for a year and a half. met this guy who is easy to talk to, funny, a decent guy I think, we have gone out twice now and the evening has past really quickly both times until the end when I feel awkward. He leant in to kiss me and I gave him a speedy kiss on the lips and leapt out of the car.

Does attraction always grow if you do genuinely like somebody's personality? He's not unattractive exactly, he's fat.

OP posts:

jobanana · 02/02/2017 00:17

Normally if you are a woman and fancy a guy you know about it, it's not faint or confusing, it's very clear, and it doesn't matter if he's fat.

BumDNC · 02/02/2017 00:30

No your actually have to find them somewhat attractive. That attraction can grow but if you don't, then you don't.

Don't go out with him again if you don't like his weight, that wouldn't be kind if it's a deal breaker for you

Howlongtilldinner · 02/02/2017 00:32

He may not be unattractive, but he just isn't attractive to you. I do believe that the heady feeling you get initially doesn't normally last, however, you do need some attraction.

If he has a great personality then yes, it may grow, but don't count on it. If you can't bring yourself to kiss him, then I would call it a day.

Original poster

Teaholic · 02/02/2017 07:01

Thanks.. if i worked with him overtime i believe an attraction could grow. Ive ended up feeling attract3d to all types over time (with no neeed to nail colours to the mast)
But in a dating context it has to be more immediate

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 02/02/2017 07:40

I believe in lust at first sight. I think you can tell straight away. As for anything deeper, I don't know if you can grow into it. Read plenty of posts on here that suggest it's possible

Happybunny19 · 02/02/2017 12:42

No I don't think it'll develop into proper sexual attraction. I believe there needs to be an initial spark to begin with. You can easily find someone fat, not particularly good looking or whatever attractive, but there needs to be chemistry and that can't be forced, it's either there or it isn't.

Original poster

Teaholic · 02/02/2017 13:55

It isnt there. I feel bad. Im going to send a text which is clear.. it is kinder in the end.

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 02/02/2017 14:23

I think feelings can grow if you really like someone's personality. I am kind of seeing a guy, I really like his personality, we share a lot of interests and we have slept together but I don't feel my heart jumping out my chest when ever I see him, I'm not sure if it's because I'm not that into him or if it's just me protecting myself from getting hurt. I have been in relationships where it's pretty full on from the start, immediate attraction but it hasn't lasted. I think with OLD you need to remember that this person is a stranger and your feelings may change each time you see them and as you get to know them.

Annabel11 · 02/02/2017 14:29

It all depends on what you are looking for and how much time you are willing to invest to find it. It also depends on how much you value the characteristics of him that you find charming.

Original poster

Teaholic · 02/02/2017 17:27

I've already sent him a text to say that I went out with him a second time because I really enjoyed his company but I couldn't see anything romantic happening. Said I was sure he had loads of friends but if he wanted another he had one. He sent a v short reply that was accepting of the no romance but not leaping at offer of friendship. So I won't bother him with stupid texts like men do to me when they don't want to commit but fancy the banter .

OP posts:

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