Is he having an affair?

[cultfiction2]

My DH works at home, i go out to work building a career after being a full time mother etc. Our children are 14 and 17 and he has started meeting someone from the gym for "coffee" but not only doesn't tell me about it, denies that he meets anyone from the gym (ok I DID look at his phone). He becomes evasive when I mention his friends from the gym and he has been very up and down - occasionally affectionate often irritable with me over the last year. Am I being insecure and paranoid? What should I do next- watch and wait , take evasive action? I am beginning to feel like a middle aged cliche.

Can you go to the gym with him at his usual time and see who he's friendly with?

Has he said whether the person from the gym is male or female?
The fact that he denies he is meeting someone would make me suspicious (when you know he is) - I would probably watch and wait as you have suggested rather than confront him. If you confront him without any substantual evidence he can just deny it but then take measures to cover his tracks.

Him lying to you being it a woman or a man is not acceptable. Tell him you don't mind him having friends but the lying is a deal breaker for you and he is making himself look suspicious 😒

I would have a wander down to the gym at the appropriate time, to pick up a membership leaflet or some such. You can see who's about then. Friends for coffee after, no problem. Lying about meeting up, sounds really dodgy.

what did you see on his phone?

Go through every device, with a fine toothed comb. That's where I would start.

Say you have heard about an offer at the gym so are signing up. Watch his reaction.

Poor thing , nothing worse than feeling anxious and paranoid as in the end they blame you for feeling this way. My partner is very friendly with someone from his office that is 28 blonde, he's 51 and I see texts on his phone. I'm not brave enough to open them.Hes attractive for his age but his change in behaviour alerted me that something was amiss as became very irritable with me. Started criticising me for being a psycho bunny even if I mentioned female work colleagues. He then is very loving and tries to organise our summer holiday so I think it's all in my head . Nothing worse than being suspicious but sickening he's being so nice to a young pretty 28 yr old and mean to me. Urgh ...makes you feel old and unwanted .