Upset at proposed child custody arrangements

[Cheeselady123]

Does anyone know how it will affect my child maintenance if my STBEXDH gets his way with the 50/50 child custody arrangements.
I have employed a solicitor but just not sure how its going to go. He has a big salary, I do not. I don't know much about the spousel maintenance and don't know if I would get it anyway.

You won't get any maintenance if it's 50:50.

Child maintenance that is.

If it's equal shared care, there will be no bill for maintenance.

My friend posted a thread about this earlier in the, I am a Mumsnet newby and this is my post. I am the friend.
I do not agree with the 50/50 because I know the STBEXDH is doing it for financial gain and to get back at me. I am concerened that he will not adhere to looking after our children due to his work commitments as has been the case throughout our 16year marriage, and consequently the kids will suffer.

maybe he is changing his job/work hours so he can have 50% and be able to look after them

he is their father and is entitled to go for 50% as you are to

Come on, seasidesally, show some bloody empathy, will you?

Will this end up in court, Cheeselady?

why is the father not entitled to share the care of his children

we dont know if he will work the same hrs or drop them

atleast he wants to care/provide for his children,plenty walk away without a second glance

Since you are married, if he ends up with genuinely 50% time, then as he will not have to pay you CMS maintenance, he may have to pay spousal maintenance in stead.

And if he gets 50% time, and just dumps them back on you, you can go back to CMS and seek a fresh assessment.

To be honest it sounds as if finance is what you are interested in. Many parents work with children, doesn't make them any less a parent!!

I have 50/50 custody and receive spousal maintenance AND child maintenance. I don't enjoy 50/50 and I don't think it is good for the children. Historically he hardly saw them from Sunday evening until Friday evening because he works such long hours.

If you think he's going for 50/50 purely for financial reasons, and it turns out that in reality he doesn't stick to 50/50, then you can go back to CMS/court for reassessment.

If you think he's going for 50/50 purely for financial reasons, and it turns out that in reality he doesn't stick to 50/50, then you can go back to CMS/court for reassessment.

This

Draw up a contact schedule, which states clearly the times when the children will be in his care. If he wants to adjust the times, then he can do so in writing (within a predefined time limit) and his financial contribution will be adjusted accordingly.

The danger in opposing his request is that it could be possibly playing into his objective, which may be to cast you as mean spirited (keeping him away from his children) and him, the victim of your mean spirit. Act reasonable and with the help of a solicitor (to make the Parenting plan and contact schedule as water tight as possible). This way, if he steps up you will have facilitated a close relationship between your children and their father and if not, he will face the consequences (as laid out by the contact schedule) of not fulfilling his obligations under the schedule.

You know your Ex best and if indeed this is to get back at you, the worst you can do is to let him think he has.

Well I'd say nailing down a contact order that far is as "mean spirited" as trying to deny him the time, fwiw.

On a practical note, just be aware that anything drawn up too tightly could screw you over too - if he steps up as he's asked to, but your circumstances change (and you suddenly need to change days or whatever), then you might end up having the expense of a court case again just to make a simple amendment. A bit of goodwill and flexibility now could mean future problems can be sorted between the two of you.

how old are the dcs? what have been the arrangements for them so far?

Kids are 12 & 14.
We have all been living in same house since this started over a year ago : (