Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FWB with an ex

13 replies

ditsydora · 22/01/2017 14:06

I split up from my ex 6 months ago and for the last three months we've had a friends with benefits relationship. All has been going super well it's probably the most passion we've ever had between us! However I still have so many feelings for him and I'm so scared of getting hurt but don't want to lose him either.

Has anyone else ever had FWB with an EX how did it work out?

OP posts:
JustSpeakSense · 22/01/2017 14:08

I think the whole point of FWB is that there are no strings attached, no complicated feelings.

What you have doesn't sound like that at all, it sounds as if you are going to get hurt.

RoseOfSharyn · 22/01/2017 14:09

Recipe for disaster IMO. FWB only works if it's just about the sex. As soon as feelings come into play it's all going to go tits up.

Why is he an ex?

TheStoic · 22/01/2017 14:12

He will ditch you as soon as he finds someone he's more interested in, and who is interested in him.

You can wait until then, or take the power into your own hands.

chasingrainbows27 · 22/01/2017 14:15

I have form for doing this but recently I've learn that it only stops you from moving on.

Generally Fwb works when there are no feelings and usually ends when feelings develop but aren't reciprocated by one person involved (in my experience) unless other events cause it to finish e.g. Moving away.

Block him, cut him out and don't see him again. It will hurt in the short term but less in the long run.

Imagine how you'd feel if he told you he had met someone else. If you stop contact you'll never know.

noego · 22/01/2017 15:28

You are using the wrong phraseology. If it's got emotional for you then its not FWB. Your using FWB to cover the truth of your emotions.
If he truly see's it as FWB then it is a train crash waiting to happen and suggest you protect your emotions if there is no future. Why is he an ex?

Your gonna get hurt.

SandyY2K · 22/01/2017 15:42

I did this once and it just didn't work out. I broke up with him and he asked if we could just retain the physical part of the relationship.I agreed.

I did it for a while, until I couldn't. It didn't sit right to me to be sleeping with him, while being on the look out for someone else. I knew he loved me and I cared enough, to not want to hurt him or give him false hope.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 22/01/2017 15:47

He's got a FWB because for him there is no feelings so no getting hurt..

you're just giving your ex sex on tap, in the hope it'll make him realise that he loves you, and you'll both live happily ever after.

He won't, and you won't. This has disaster (for you) written all over it.

Mari50 · 22/01/2017 15:53

This is not a FWB set up, this is your ex using you and taking you for a fool.
He's had a relationship with you and (I'm assuming)'rejected that. Do you honestly think that having sex with him when he is offering you absolutely nothing in return will convince him that you're the woman for him? Have some dignity and end it now before he completely destroys your self esteem. I have been here- there is no happy ending.
Good luck x

Costacoffeeplease · 22/01/2017 15:58

You can't be fwb with someone you have feelings for, especially if you're doing it in the hopes that he'll be your boyfriend again

He'll drop you once he finds someone else, which will hurt like hell, so I'd get out now with my dignity and self respect intact, if I were you

uncoolnn · 22/01/2017 16:01

I think FWB only works if there's no feelings there. Otherwise it ends one of two ways:

  1. One person gets hurt because they have stronger feelings than the other, or
  2. FWB leads into a relationship (less likely but that is how me and OH got together. There was a whole load of crap times between realising there were feelings involved and us getting into a relationship)

I think in your case it's probably not a good idea given that there is obviously feelings there. I'd get out before you're in too deep, personally!

Spickle · 22/01/2017 16:02

My ex and I became FWB some time after we split. I had feelings for him and hoped for more, however as TheStoic says above, as soon as he met someone else, I was dumped immediately. I am a very independent person who knows her own mind and am embarrassed to admit that I enabled this man to treat me like this. To be honest, once he had gone from my life completely, that was the start of my healing.

You will need to face reality. This man is using you until someone else comes along. In your heart you know he doesn't feel the way you feel. It hurts but you are only prolonging the agony.

TheNewSchmoo · 22/01/2017 16:26

It isn't fwb, it's your way of keeping him when he no longer wants a relationship with you. You're going to get hurt.

chocolateshortcake · 22/01/2017 16:30

I married mine. Probably not helpful sorry!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.