Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

2nd marriage question

19 replies

user1468539146 · 20/01/2017 21:51

I'm engaged and I'm thinking about arrangements for my wedding.
I have been married before and now I'm in my 40s and have grown up DCs. What is the feeling on having my adult DS give me away instead of my dad?
I haven't lived at home for over 20 years and I feel that is it now my children who are inviting my fiancé in to the family instead of my parents.
Would I be unreasonable to have my DS give me away instead of my DF?

OP posts:

CatBallou2 · 20/01/2017 22:03

If you want someone to give you away, I'd say your DF would like to do it. You are his daughter. Would he be delighted to do that for you?

jeaux90 · 20/01/2017 22:17

Can I be a bit goady and ask why you want to be given away? You aren't a possession (sorry I just really dislike this tradition)

Can't you and your fiancé walk down together?

fallenempires · 20/01/2017 22:19

I think that it's a lovely idea & the one that I would choose if I were to re-marry my now DP.Can DF sign the registrar? That would be a good compromise imho.

PacificDogwod · 20/01/2017 22:19

Your wedding, your choices - even in this.

But yes, 'giving away'?
It's a bit outdated, isn't it?

If I were to marry again, I would just, you know, get married.
My choice - nobody would have to give me away like some kind of free sample

MachineBee · 20/01/2017 22:29

I had my DD2 walk me down the aisle when I married again and DD1 did father of the bride speech. I discussed with my DF and he said he'd done it once for me and he didn't like being in the spotlight so was happy for my DDs to do the honours second time around. DD2 is getting good at walking people down the aisle - she did it for her DSis at her wedding as their DF had died and I did parent of the bride speech. We didn't call it 'giving anyone away' and thought of it simply being a special role in the service.

fallenempires · 20/01/2017 22:33

I honestly don't see it that way at all.It's just a tradition and ok it does hark back to the times of dowries etc but it's not at all like that.I think that it's a lovely way to show that the SD is accepted by his SC which if you read the board on here can often be a rarity.

HeddaGarbled · 20/01/2017 22:39

I do think it would be wierd to have your dad give you away when you are in your 40s and presumably he did it the first time.

Would you consider just walking in together? A lot of weddings I've been to which aren't church weddings do this now.

Or are you doing the whole groom waits at the front with best man while bride walks down the aisle/gap between the chairs thing? You could do this on your own, maybe with people behind you, as a statement that you are giving yourself to your new husband as an independent woman. I'm sure that your son would be honoured to do it if you ask him, but what about your daughters? Why does only your son get to "invite your fiancé into your family"?

HappyGirlNow · 20/01/2017 22:41

When I got married for the second time I just walked in hand in hand with my adult daughter who was my bridesmaid. I told my dad it was because it wasn't the done thing to 'give me away' twice. In reality we're not close and he'd really hacked me off in the run up to the wedding and I wanted him to have as little involvement as possible though I did give him a small reading to do (and he managed to make that all about him). But it was a great day and very glad I did it the way I did.

Original poster

user1468539146 · 21/01/2017 02:26

Thank you all for the input. Very much appreciated.
It wouldn't only be my son involved, I had planned on my daughters being my bridesmaids and walking down behind me.
I hadn't really thought about the 'outdatedness' of being given away and waking down to meet my stbh at the end... I may review that. Thank you for the idea

OP posts:

kelj2 · 21/01/2017 03:02

Could you have your father and your son walk you down the aisle. That way everyone is involved

Aquamarine1029 · 21/01/2017 03:57

I think you walking down the aisle alone as a mature, self-assured woman would be very powerful.

TheNaze73 · 21/01/2017 08:59

Ultimately, I don't think it really matters. Sounds nice To have your DS involved in the ceremonial bit

WatchingFromTheWings · 21/01/2017 09:02

I'm getting married for the second time later in the year. My father passed away a few years ago so my DS16 is giving me away.

TheCakes · 21/01/2017 09:06

My boys were younger when I got married but I wouldn't have them give me away, because they still needed me. I will always be their mum. I didn't like the symbolism that it shifted me away from them.
They walked down the aisle with me, but didn't give me away.

Cafechocalatte · 21/01/2017 13:24

I am the OP, finally remembered to get rid of the User 4137484847373773737373 thing

Anyway, a lot of food for thought on here and I massively appreciate all the responses.
Can I ask, no matter who walked me down the aisle, how can it be just that and not be 'giving me away' as such. Because I am not being given away as my children will always be my number 1 priority.
How do I differentiate?

FitbitAddict · 21/01/2017 13:30

We had a civil ceremony outdoors and just arrived by car together, approached the table together and got married to each other. We even got ready together and he zipped up my dress. I didn't need to be given to him, it was a mutual decision to marry because of our feelings for each other and desire to end our days together. For that reason, spending the whole day together from waking up together in the morning was absolutely right for us.

jeaux90 · 21/01/2017 13:36

If you all walk in together as a family unit so you, the kids and your fiancé and his if he has any. X

Cafechocalatte · 21/01/2017 13:47

Thank you. That makes more sense now.
Because when I think about it I'm not sure I like the idea of my fiancé standing waiting for me.
My fiancé if fairly traditional so it's definitely something we will chat about.

coxsorangepippin · 21/01/2017 13:49

My father walked me down the aisle but didn't give me away - he didn't give my hand to my DH or lift my veil (!!) and there was no 'who gives this woman to be married to this man' wording in the ceremony. When we got to the front I just gave him a hug and he and my bridesmaids sat down.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread