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Original poster

3 by 3

17 replies

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 14/01/2017 18:11

Can I ask about the 3 by 3 issue? There's another thread but I don't want to highjack. Does anyone have 3 children by 3 fathers? Do you get a lot of judgement for it?

I have 2 children, first a surprise when I was 21, father turned out to not be a nice person, did it alone. Then married and had number 2, 6 years later, now almost 6 yrs old. Now divorced have been with partner who Ive known since I was 18 for 2 years and we are starting ttc. Kids are very happy, good relationships with their dads, no dramas, partner has no other children and adores mine.
Can't seem to get the fuck over myself about it and worry too much about being judged.

OP posts:
ExpectoPatronummmm · 14/01/2017 19:40

It's the norm these days.
If you had 3 kids by 3 dads and they were all under 3 years old that would be questionable.
But you have big gaps and good reasons :)

januarybooze · 14/01/2017 19:41

It's not the norm. You will be judged by some people, not at all with others. Depends who you mix with.

DonaldStott · 14/01/2017 19:47

I think anyone who judges you for it, is a twat and you wouldn't want to know them anyway. I can't see what the hell it has to do with anybody else and if they do judge, it says more about them than you and your lovely, happy family.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2017 19:48

You and your partner are happy, so don't worry about anyone else.

I kind of apply this thinking ..... "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter."

Those who are close to you must already know this and for those who aren't close, why do you feel the need to tell them.

If someone tells me they have 3 kids, and I don't start asking about their fathers. It's really not their business.

BobbieDog · 14/01/2017 19:49

A relative of mine has 3 by 3 and they all have their fathers surnames and not one of those names are hers.

She has been rejected by potential boyfriends in the past.

Many people do judge her behind her back.

Her children are 8, 5 and 3 I think.

UnbornMortificado · 14/01/2017 19:51

I'm ttc with DH. If we are successful I will have three (living) children to three fathers.

Lots of backstory and big age gaps but I couldn't give a shit about being judged.

I think women judge it more then men tbh. As long as your happy I don't see the problem.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2017 19:51

I wouldn't go as far as saying it's the norm though. That's really inaccurate, as far as representing the entire UK.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2017 19:53

A relative of mine has 3 by 3 and they all have their fathers surnames and not one of those names are hers.

That's why I think unmarried mothers should double barrel the surname or give the mum's surname.

Whathappensnowthen · 14/01/2017 20:01

I think it's just one of those things that some people will judge, no matter the reasons/causes behind it. My first husband used to judge single Mum's on the basis that they chose to be single and yet have children. I remember challenging him - what if they left an abusive partner, what if she were a widow? You just don't know people's stories. Hold your head high and be proud that you got through everything, came out the other side and are now in a happy place and ttc. For what it's worth, I am being judged for wanting to be a single Mum of 4 and my children all have the same Dad. People will always find something/someone to judge.

TheNaze73 · 14/01/2017 20:09

It's far from being the norm however, if you're ok, that's all that matters

knowler · 14/01/2017 20:12

It's not the norm and some people will judge you for it, some won't. Ultimately it's no one's business but yours and your DP's so go for it if you want another baby. Good luck :)

TheTartOfAsgard · 14/01/2017 20:14

My mum has 4 by 3, I've never even thought anything of it and never class my sisters as 'half' sisters. She, on the other hand, has quite a chip on her shoulder about it and we were never allowed to tell anyone we had different dads (we all have the same surname - she kept her married name when divorced from my father as wanted the same name as us, and gave it to subsequent children)

I think people's attitudes now have changed. I can remember being the only child of divorced parents when I was growing up in the 80's whereas now the parents in my children's school are a mixture of marrieds, singles and people on 2nd and 3rd marriages.

I have 2 dc with exh and one on the way with new partner and the fact they'll have different fathers doesn't change anything

birdybirdywoofwoof · 14/01/2017 20:15

You can't go through life anticipating or fearing what people may think...

You have to do your thing, follow your heart and as op said, hold your head up high.

stubbornstains · 14/01/2017 20:15

A relative of mine has 3 by 3 and they all have their fathers surnames and not one of those names are hers.

Best reason I've ever seen to always give kids the mother's surname.

TheClacksAreDown · 14/01/2017 20:17

Assuming your social circle are not regulars on the Jeremy Kyle show then it is absolutely not the norm.

UnbornMortificado · 14/01/2017 20:27

TheTart my mam does too.

SSYMONDS · 14/01/2017 20:27

I have 2 kids to my husband and my life is about as traditional as it can be- and I have to say I care not one jot about things like this. If you are a nice person and kind to your children, it honestly wouldn't cross my mind to start thinking about stuff like this. Don't over think it. Most people haven't the time to judge others... and if the do, who cares. Enjoy your lovely family.

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