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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Mummy's boy?

15 replies

AmyFryer · 13/01/2017 20:34

This may sound really irrational but my boyfriend is 26 and he texts his mum everyday and face times her every other day when we go on holiday? I can't say anything because what can't I say? I just find it fairly concering because to me it shows a lack of independence and it's quite babyish? is it normal to feel this way? I feel like a horrible person but I don't know anyone else who does this make or female at this age? My mum doesn't text my grandma when she goes on holiday... Would this carry on when he gets older 40/50? I just find it a little strange.

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 13/01/2017 20:35

Seems a bit excessive

user1484226561 · 13/01/2017 20:36

it sounds like they are close. you will have to accept that if you are together. Why would you want to disrupt a close family relationship? That sounds jealous and controlling

AmeliaJack · 13/01/2017 20:40

My DH is close to his parents. He used to call them everyday when we first moved in together. He doesn't call every day now but does call about 3 times a week.

He does it simply because it makes his parents happy. He's not lacking in independence.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 13/01/2017 20:44

OP is questioning it, not disrupting it, and the problem is that it suggests that he has a primary attachment with someone other than his partner. Which also suggests he may not have the room in his life to commit fully to an adult partnership and that he may not have achieved a sufficient level of emotional independence from his parent to be good partner material. The OP is the only judge.

There's a lot of grey between Ltb and be a doormat.

BarbarianMum · 13/01/2017 20:46

If it concerns you that he is lacking in some way then find someone else. Quite a lot of people talk to their parents every day -he'll find someone who doesn't mind.

TokenGinger · 13/01/2017 20:48

A bit of context to their relationship would be helpful. Is he an only child? Was it just the two of them growing up? Does he fee responsible for her?

I think it's lovely that he's close to his mother. Those who respect their mothers/sisters tend to respect their partners, too.

I speak to my best friend every day. In this case, his best friend is his mum. I don't think it's an issue. Unless she dislikes you and advises against him being with you. Then it might be an issue.

deste · 13/01/2017 21:02

I think it's lovely that he's close to his mother. Those who respect their mothers/sisters tend to respect their partners, too.

Just what I was thinking.

Crumbs1 · 13/01/2017 21:06

Our children usually call us most days. It's nice. One of the partners sometimes calls us if daughter is on nights too. One texts rather than calls but rare we don't hear from most of them. Not for hours, not dependent just staying in touch.

sonlypuppyfat · 13/01/2017 21:07

I talk to my mum everyday and also to my dad when he was here, even when I was on holiday. I think it's lovely, it's not taking him hours to ring them is it?

RiceCrispieTreats · 13/01/2017 21:08

Horses for courses. You'll get a lot of replies saying it's charming that he's close to his mum. Sometimes it's cultural.

Personally I would feel like you: that it shows a lack of grown-up independence. I did end up dating a man once who phoned his mother every day, and perhaps related, perhaps not he was emotionally immature, and not really "there" for me as a partner.

I don't find it an attractive trait. Some do. You get to make your own decisions for what suits you.

Highalert · 13/01/2017 21:09

She didn't stop being his mum when he met you

EllaHen · 13/01/2017 21:13

Well, I love and respect my Mum. I don't talk to her every day though. It is possible to love and respect someone without such commitment to communication.

Yes, I don't think I would like this op.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/01/2017 21:14

I think you need to take a look at the big picture. Yes, he may talk to his mom every day, but is he mature independent in all the other areas of his life? Does he have a good job, is he finacially independent and responsible? Does he clean up after himself? If you answered yes, there's no problem. The way a man treats his mother is the way they treat their wife.

SherlockStones · 13/01/2017 21:16

You sound jealous.

Greypaw · 13/01/2017 21:57

It could well continue into his 40s & 50s, sure. My DH is in his 40s and has a lot of contact with his mum. I have no idea how much he texts her - he used to call her every day but he doesn't do that now. That level of contact used to grate on me, but I ignored it unless it spilled over into my life too much (i.e. they were discussing my personal issues) or I thought he was being too reliant on them (he used to ask his parents to do lots of jobs for him). There's a line - it's nice to have a great relationship, but being too attached to mummy is not an attractive trait.

How men treat their mothers is how men will treat their wives, maybe. In the early days of our relationship, he seemed to want me to mother him the way his mum did. I told him in no uncertain terms I didn't want that kind of relationship. As he's become more independent over the course of our relationship, he's stopped calling his mum quite so much. Don't know if that's coincidence...

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