Online dating

[Chocolate123]

New to this whole online dating scene. Any tips? Need to be able to switch off emotions as have had two different experiences but both didn't work out despite all looking good to start. Do I need to develop a thicker skin and stop over analysing everything? Don't want to give up. How do I switch off?

Stop over thinking. Easy to say I know, but bearing in mind you are in control of your own emotional responses its doable you just have to reinforce it.

Dont overinvest.
Have NO expectations not LOW expectations. These people are strangers. Who have as much chance as turning out to be amazing as they have as being awful. Dont foist your expectations on another person.

Go with the flow. Relax. Treat people you date with the same breathing space and respect and consideration as you would new friends and acquaintances.

Do not get into incessant texting. If they do, slow them right down. Dont tell them you're going to just do it.

Obsessing about texting wrecks more potential relationships than probably anything else.

Enjoy it and take a real interest in the other person. Even if youre not attracted to them, you can learn a lot about dating by absorbing information about other people.

If sex means commitment to you, dont do it, not everyone follows the same rules.

Hi Chocolate, I am no expert and have been known to totally overinvest. However I think that having a number of irons in the fire at one time can be useful. that way you have another if one doesn't work out. it is perfectly acceptable to have several dates running alongside one another - until you find one to commit to.

Also try to meet them early on in the process. Sometimes you can waste a lot of time chatting to someone for hours on end and discover they don't do it for you in real life.

Also visit the dating thread - lots of good advisers there including a couple of men who offer a different perspective.

I'm new(ish) to online dating too. You definitely need a thick skin but this is something you tend to develop fairly quickly.

Meet as soon as possible if you match with someone you like. Nothing worse than texting for days or even weeks then meeting and realising there's nothing there.

Always meet somewhere neutral and don't give too much away too soon.

Be prepared to sort the wheat from the chaff.

Take your time / don't rush in.

Paid sites usually attract a higher quality of individual then free sites (not always but usually).

Take everything you read on profiles with a pinch of salt until you meet in person.

If unsure about someone/something then don't be afraid to ask questions.

Go with your gut instinct.

Hope this helps!

Cheers.

Thanks for all the tips guys especially the meeting early I was leaving it then disappointed. Also having a few guys chatting I was feeling guilty when I know nothing to be guilty about. It's a mine field isn't it??

Until you actually meet up with the person you don't know anything about them or if they are who they say they are so best to not over invest. Meet up relatively quick for a drink in the daytime and keep it quick as this can determine if there is chemistry in person. Good luck and be safe :-)

I have found internet dating for me a waste of time but have met a few friends so not all a disaster.