Really sick of the 'petty stuff'

[DieHardISaChristmasFilm]

DH leaves stuff everywhere. Socks, pint glasses anything. This morning the cleaner was coming, despite being asked he left his washing on the floor, snotty tissues on the bedside table and half empty water glasses for me to move. He's really defensive when challenged, and this morning, as usual we ended up swearing at each other.
I don't know what to do. He is good with the DC and gets up more in the night with DS than I do. He works FT and does bathtime when he gets in while I cook, so it's not like I'm being left to do everything. I just feel awful about the lack of respect I see in leaving all this stuff for me to sort out. Am I expecting too much?

Q, What do you employ a cleaner for?

A, Cleaning

Q, Why did you employ a cleaner?

A, So we don't have to do it.

Could have written your post op. Mine doesn't even open his bloody post! I said I don't care, if it's addressed to you I'm going to open it because other wise we'll end up in big trouble one day. He just piles it all up and leaves it. Has plenty of time for social media though!! And also gets arsey when challenged🙄

Yep mine too. Clothes fall where he takes them off, cupboards left open, sweet wrappers on the floor, half empty bottles of water about the place..... I could go on for hours

Q, What do you employ a cleaner for?

A, Cleaning

Yes, cleaning. Not tidying. Huge difference.

Why have you put up with this from him to date?. He is setting your children a poor example as well by doing this let alone you both swearing at each other.

Its not petty at all; its completely disrespectful of you and in turn for the house he also resides in.

Working full time and being good with the children does not give him a free pass or get out clause to act like this.

If you tell your partner that something upsets or bothers you and they refuse to make even the tiniest effort to change, they are effectively saying 'I don't care about you and your feelings.' That's why the argument about pants dropped on the floor and unwashed coffee mugs is much more important than it seems. You need to make it clear that it matters to you.

noego it has to be tidy to be cleaned!
I know. It's utterly disrespectful. He is so so defensive when challenged, it descends into a row every time.

Sorry but that's rank; and no if I was coming to clean I wouldn't expect that to mean picking up snotty tissues and dirty underwear; he's not giving a fuck, not sure what you can do tbh.

He is defensive because he knows he is in the wrong here. The problem you also have is that he does not really care about you or your feelings on the matter; he may well think that its a woman's job to clear up.

Did his mother wait on his father and he hand and foot?. Sometimes this happens because of parental example shown at home.

He is not setting his children a good example either because they could well copy what he does.

Does he not realise as well that it is probably turning you off him, nobody likes a slob.

There was a thread called "Incompetent husbands"; I don't think the OP has posted on it for a few weeks. She's getting divorced now. The small stuff adds up and it's so disrespectful. He doesn't give a shit about your feelings. He's saying "There you go, bitch. You sort my crap".

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2703947-Incompetent-Husbands-What-Happened-Next

This is part 2. Part 1 has been deleted for being too identifying.

He needs a reality check. Is there any way you could take some time out and go on your own or just with the kids away somewhere for a week?
And tell him, this is a rehearsal for when you leave him for being such a knob.
He needs to have a massive wake-up call and that might just do it.

Attila. To an extent she did. She was certainly responsible for all the domestic stuff.
Teeny I've just mailed him the 'she left me because I left my cup on the side' article.
I'll bring it up again tonight, but he'll immediately get so defensive. I leave diet coke cans on the side sometimes before rinsing them for recycling. Apparently this exonerates him of all his messiness.
Pallas I'm starting a new job soon, it would be difficult.

I really feel for you. At the moment I'm not getting home from work until 10pm at the earliest - my DH always says he'll do the washing up (he gets home a lot earlier than me) - but spends all evening on computer games & I wake up to the house still in a state. I also always have to ask for things to be done, when he is perfectly capable of seeing what needs to be done for himself (washing his clothes, washing up, hoovering). I feel like I have to take responsibility for our entire lives & it's exhausting & demeaning - I end uo feeling worthless & I'm no doormat!
I do plan to sit down with my DH & outline for him how his behaviour makes me feel in a calm, measured way. Otherwise I work myself into an exhausted, resentful state & end up exploding & sounding like a maniac. Sorry for sharing my troubles - but wanted you to know you're not alone!