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Original poster

OLD - long distance question

11 replies

Livinginhope11 · 04/01/2017 08:21

So I have stepped into the OLD arena... had to be done really but this is my first time so very new to me.
Im in my early 50's and live in a fairly rural area so chances of meeting anyone in the old fashioned way are fairly remote.

I have found someone I really click with but he is around 150 miles away.. we have had long chats but really the next step is to meet.
How does this work and apart from the obvious, not meeting in a dark alley/being where other people are etc, what do I do??
Is long distance feasible?
Sorry if these seem stupid questions, just not sure of anything about this OLD stuff! Thanks

OP posts:
PaterPower · 04/01/2017 08:39

150 miles? That's going to take you 2.5 - 3 hours each way to see each other.

It's not going to work long term, imo, unless you're both happy that the physical side (and by that I mean the amount of time you spend together, as much as I do your sex life) is far less important to you both than the remote contact / chatting.

I was dating someone that lived 40 mins away from me and THAT was bad enough, although we both had young kids to fit the time together around.

Hotwaterbottle1 · 04/01/2017 09:07

I disagree with the pp. I am seeing someone who lives 200 miles away. It's not easy but we both want to make it work and so far so good. I would not rule it out but you won't know until you meet him. I met mine online and first date was in a hotel bar for drinks so very safe & public.

Sptownmama · 04/01/2017 09:12

When i met my partner he lived over 2000 miles away 😄 we've been together 8 years now.

Original poster
Livinginhope11 · 04/01/2017 09:48

ok thanks.
I think the combination of my age, bad divorce, and never doing this before is giving me the collywobbles!
Im pretty confident in RL so I suppose whatever the distance you just take people as you find them..

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 04/01/2017 10:43

I think you have to prepare yourself mentally for a LDR. 150 miles is a long way to go, to date.

ocelot7 · 04/01/2017 10:56

My partner lives an hour away & we manage to make it work but its quite tough as due to work schedules/kids etc we can mostly still only see each other at weekends.
I would choose long distance but wouldn't finish it due to that. I think its a big decision to travel so far as you are contemplating for a first meeting - I wouldn't. Ideally only chat to people within a radius you would be prepared to travel for a one-off meeting because thats what most first meetings end up being in the world of OLD.

JellyBean31 · 04/01/2017 10:57

The thing for me would be that no matter how well you get along messaging/chatting on the phone, until you meet in person you really don't know if you want to see him more than once. For me personally 150 miles (or even 75 if you met halfway) would be too far to travel for someone you may only want to spend 10 minutes with!

ocelot7 · 04/01/2017 10:57

WOULDN'T choose long distance...

Trills · 04/01/2017 11:07

You need to be able to meet a few times without any pressure, to see if you want to take it further.

Travelling 75 miles each (assuming there's a convenient midpoint) doesn't make for low-pressure meeting.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/01/2017 11:23

My boyfriend of about 3 months lives 70 miles away. He travels a lot for work and we matched on Tinder when he was working near me for the day.

We chatted for a week or so then he was back in the area so we met for a date and hit it off. Second date was a day out halfway between our homes....and since then either he's come to me (combining with work where possible) or I've gone to his for the weekend.

It's not ideal. One of the downsides for me is that it kind of pushes things along too quickly as it's just more practical to do overnights if either of you is travelling any distance for a date. You don't have to of course and there's always the option of using a hotel...Grin.

However, so far it seems to be working for us. We see each other twice a week on average, which for a 3 month old relationship is probably about right. I have a son, he has no kids which helps. It also helps that he does travel a lot and has a flexible working schedule. We're both committed to making it work and prioritise spending free time with each other

I agree with JellyBean thought...you're not going to know if you want a relationship with him until you meet him. Are you prepared to travel to do that? To be perfectly honest, the odds are not in your favour! I've been doing OLD since Jan 2015 and apart from a brief relationship during 2015 met no one that I've had more than 2-3 dates with.

If you do decide to meet, usual rules apply...meet in a public place, make your own travel arrangements, let a friend know where you are and who you are meeting. Also do as much internet stalking as you can before hand to make sure he is who is says he is! If he has Facebook and has linked his phone number to his profile then he will come up on your "people you may know" Take full advantage of this!

BernieBear · 04/01/2017 11:46

I recently met a guy on Tinder who is 50 miles away (an hours drive one way). The first date we met halfway in a pub/restaurant and had dinner, second date was a night out halfway between us (we could both get to by public transport so drinks were allowed). Third date is this weekend and he is coming to me.
I think that chances of LDR working is small unless you are both very committed to it. I know that if I continue to see this chap, the chances of us seeing each other anymore than once a fortnight, initially, is limited. I'm not sure if this can work. However, I have very low expectations of OLD anyway Blush

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