'Just tell me if you're not interested'

[lottieandmia]

When you've been talking to someone for a short time and they suggest a meet up AIBU to think it's a bit annoying when they text this because you haven't replied within 30 minutes?

Is this OLD?
There are a lot of people who just talk (married, ego boost...) and don't want to pinned down to actually meet.

If the context was a "live" convo back and forth and you went quiet immediately after the suggestion of meeting, then I'd forgive that as a battle weary irritation on their part that they know there are plenty of time wasters out there.

If you're not a time waster and haven't come across one yet, it would seem odd!

In other contexts I'd be irritated and find it needy.

If it's my former description (you went suddenly quietly when it came to the crunch) then I'd take it on the chin but keep alert for neediness sighs.

Is this an online dating thing?

I'd reply with something like

'I was interested. Then I had a half hour bath. Now I've lost interest.'

Which not only sums up the situation, but also is in the form of a haiku

^ this
If anyone gets clingy or demanding like this you should sack them off and tell them exactly why.

I'm usually pretty scathing of OLD arses but I really don't automatically think that line is too clingy or demanding. It's hard to be the one that ponies up the courage to risk rejection and ask to meet and I can see that as someone trying to be polite. It's clumsy but not necessarily overly needy or demanding.

As I said above - context!

The person might not even be needy or polite... just fed up with conversations that go nowhere and simply stating a request: tell me if you're not interested. OK, you might be able to tell that by the person not replying But with OLD people have multiple irons in the fire. I've chatted to men I'm not sure about YET, and not quite ready to meet - because I'm hoping Man B and Man C that I'm also talking to will come good. So I've stalled at hints to meet up (but not direct requests).

If this man is a seasoned OLD I really do think it's not definitely needy to say "look, just say if you're not interested".

I think it sounds incredibly needy. I'd hate that

Yes OD. I have tried to present a profile which does not attracts arseholes. Maybe I should just give up - I've only been back on there a week.

The reason I think it's odd is that at this stage if someone doesn't reply I don't bother too much until they've fixed a concrete date. I wouldn't confront them about it unless they didn't turn up or cancelled last minute, He seems fine on the phone. But this has made me a bit wary because I really need someone who is laid back.

I'm 36 and I think I've got to a point in my life where I'm not bothered about being single. I like just being with my children and anyone I meet will have to be a pen asset to them as well as me. My last relationship ended 2 /3 years ago. The guy in question had more issues than Vogue and we split amidst him being an addict. Since then he's better and now all of a sudden he wants me back and in the time we've been apart I'm not willing to put up with his BS any more. He can't understand why I won't fall back into his arms but that's another story.

I'm not sure that anyone who's recovering from addictions could ever fit into the "laid back" category. Am I correct in thinking this would be a reunion after a couple of years? I think caution would be most appropriate but in a way the question still stands. Are you interested in him given what you already know and that the relationship ended - for good reason? I'm not one for stepping into the same stream twice but that's just me. It's up to you and your instinct - but be very careful. You sound very "together" and content in and of yourself. You're exactly right not to stand for any BS and it seems likely you'll spot any such offerings a mile off.

Why/how is it another story that he can't understand why won't fall back into his arms? That bit worries me ...

No, my ex is a different thing. My ex wants me back but I've decided no, never again. So I was trying to meet someone new without any issues. I've spent some time working on myself and trying to avoid this sort of thing in the fiture. Hence the new dating profile. So the guy who wrote that text is someone I've never met.

But what actually happened? Were you in a back and forth text convo and you just disappeared the minute he asked you out? (which can just be timing from your point of view, but if he's watching the dreaded blue ticks then from his point of view it could look more like you running off at the mention!)

Bottom line: you're getting bad vibes, don't bother with him.

But I've had the "just say if you don't want to" on OLD from men who were a bit shy and seeking a little reassurance to a level that wasn't really needy.

If he is the needy type, or for any reason you have bad vibes, move on as you're doing - but don't think it's your profile to blame! It really isn't.

We weren't having a conversation and then I disappeared at the moment he asked me out - we had been texting intermittently because I'm busy with 3 kids (one with SEN). I had already said yes we could meet for a coffee next week. As far as I was concerned we could have!

hmm. Sounds to me like he's saying he'd rather know sooner than later if you're not really interested - albeit in a clumsy way. But I agree, he could have framed it in a more positive (and attractive) way!

Just meet him and you and he will both know pretty quick whether you're interested in each other.

Easy.

By the way I would have answered simply "I will".