Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Process of becoming single mum with nothing?

12 replies

Advisemethanks · 27/12/2016 15:43

I've decided to leave H. He's horribly EA. Just grumpy and controlling in so many different ways. All of it is now becoming deflected onto me and I fear it could be starting to effect the dc. It can't go on like this.

I'm a SAHM with 2 dc, we rent. I want to separate. I don't want him around me anymore.

How do I make leaving him work? I feel so overwhelmed. How do I do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Advisemethanks · 27/12/2016 15:45

I have nothing, no assets. The only source of real help I have is a close relative.

OP posts:
pklme · 27/12/2016 15:49

Ok, I don't know a lot practically speaking but will comment for moral support and to keep your thread up till someone knowledgeable comes along!

I'm a list maker, and researcher so I'd be looking at CAB, benefits, etc. Working out costs etc,

Well done for making a positive change, don't let the obstacles get in the way.

Hellmouth · 27/12/2016 15:51

Are you both on the tenancy agreement? If so, you both have the right to live there so you can politely ask him, but he doesn't have to leave. If you want to be the one to leave, you are still obligated to pay rent there so, be aware, if he stops paying the rent, they could came after you for it.

Original poster
Advisemethanks · 27/12/2016 16:00

Ok, thank you.

In the new year I'm going to put in a request for a legal separation. We get a very small amount of tax credits. Child benefit is in his name. I'm not sure how I'll be able to stay here and transfer tenancy into just my name as I don't think our LL will want a tenant on housing benefit.

My dc are doing so well at school Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Advisemethanks · 27/12/2016 16:02

I'm full of cold and my head is pounding. My poor dc. There is no easy way, is there?

OP posts:
Marmalade85 · 27/12/2016 16:07

Call Gingerbread for advice. They are a charity for single parents and will be able to guide you. Women's Aid will be able to provide you with free legal advice if you need it.

I'm a single mother to a one year old but I work full time and had some savings so not sure how best to advise you. Good luck.

Aftertheraincomesthesun · 27/12/2016 16:11

I'm a landlord. I would prefer an existing tenant who looks after my property to have their rent paid by HB than an empty property and the costs involved in reletting it.

jeaux90 · 27/12/2016 16:15

Don't be scared about being a single mum. Honestly it's mostly great for lots of reasons but you do need to take a very very close look at your finances and options, making sure you get every penny you are entitled to so gingerbread is a great call.

Are you planning on going back to work? A lot of places offer the child care vouchers which you can use for after school clubs and registered child minders etc

Gingerbread will give you a lot of practical advice.

Emotionally it's way easier being a single parent than stuck dealing with an abuser. Even though it must feel like a massive leap you will find peace and grow to relish your independence. I am 6 years a single parent now. I love it xxxx

PaperdollCartoon · 27/12/2016 16:15

Yes don't assume your LL wouldn't be happy with that without asking them. If you've been good tenants she'll likely want to keep you.

Original poster
Advisemethanks · 27/12/2016 16:25

Thank you all. I have thought about approaching our LL as I don't want to have to uproot the dc from their home and their school. Perhaps they'll be more understanding than I give them credit for. We've always paid the rent like clockwork and looked after the property well.

I'll look up Gingerbread and contact them tomorrow. I've spoken with Women's Aid before and they weren't all that helpful re practical advice.

I'm looking at going back in work early this year, with the opportunity to train for the job while working and getting paid. My CV is not all that bad, it's just I've been out of work for so long now. Me re-entering employment is large part of the process of breaking free, I guess.

I so wanted to keep it all together. I can't make H respect me, or love me the way I feel I deserved to be loved. He's dysfunctional and I must get it into my head I can't save him and I can't save our relationship by myself. No one can say that I haven't tried my best to make it work. Any improvements to our relationship just seem superficial

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 27/12/2016 16:47

Well done for being strong and taking the decision to finish it. People don't change and he definitely won't. Lots of us single parents around so just keep talking if you need support.

When he goes/you go just take a moment to relish the moment of freedom. It can get you through some of the challenging moments during the first few months.

Going back to work will be great xxx

WynterBlossom · 27/12/2016 19:44

Posting so I can come back and check how you are getting on OP, sorry I can't offer advice

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread