FWB Christmas present

[bandmum]

Been in FWB relationship about 7 months. His wife left him Feb, he is not ready to start dating properly yet. I have been single on and off for 15 years. We are old uni friends I know we wouldn't work as a couple. Speak online 2x week meet for coffee/pint fortnightly, dtd maybe 2 out of 3 times we meet. No contact with each pthers teenage kids.We met Tues 13th, had previously discussed this would be the last time we would see each other before Christmas. I gave him a bottle of his favourite tipple. He had nothing for me, just said 'oh you shouldn't have.' I had expected him to pop in with a little something in the last day days but not even a card. We have chatted as usual over the last week. He has gone to his parents today. AIBU to have expected a small gift given the nature of our relationship.

I'm sure lots of people will come along and tell you you're way more emotionally invested than you're letting on because your upset about not getting a gift but I would be upset. It isn't just about the B side of the FWB. It's the F that's important here. I'd be a little upset that he hadn't thought about me at Christmas but I guess don't give to receive and all that.

Not unreasonable! As previous PP said it's the F in the FWB that means you deserve at the very least a card.

I think he's out of order!

Something you'll have to move on from!

Cheers.

Hmm. Maybe he thought giving you a gift might give you 'the wrong idea'?

I don't know. Would he get his other friends a gift? It seems usual for women friends to give each other gifts, but not so much for men.

So, whilst it seemed right for you to give this "friend" a present, it wouldn't have been usual for him to do the same for you - would have made you more than friends IYSWIM. And you're not, are you?

I'm not giving a single one of my friends a present - whether I've having sex with them or not!

Do you think he's given any of his friends a present?

I doubt it - don't most people buy only for family?

I agree with the poster who says take the B out of FWB. But have a different conclusion: that means you're a friend and I really expect he bought no friends a present.

If you want some kind of special treatment, then this FWB situation isn't the one for you.

Which other friends did you buy for?

I buy for my 2 dcs my mum my 3 neices and 2 closest female friends. So yes I do buy for friends but taking on board pps I guess most men don't.

Did he give you a card or present back when you were just F?

And I don't buy for any friends, though a few DCs of friends I do!

I got a card off him and his wife previously, but obviously I wasn't talking to him twice a week or meeting him for coffee when he was married.

Men don't buy presents for friends in most cases and that what you are.

I agree, men don't as a rule by presents for friends

Not being funny love but you're only shagging. You're not in a relationship.

And do you think he wrote the cards, or his wife?

DH sends no cards, so his friends don't get Cards. Our mutual friends do because I do them.

So, he's got no history of sending you a present as a friend. Only a card and almost certainly actually from him wife.
And you have only bought for your two best friends.
Do you think he sees you as one of his best friends?
I think possibly not - the frequency of your meetings isn't driven by friendship, it's driven by sex.
And even if he does see you as a really good friend, he most likely doesn't buy for friends.
I think you need to check yourself whether you're truly happy with FWB.

Mind, if a friend got me a gift and j was seeing him/her again before Xmas, I probably would get something, to be polite!

I am happy to accept men don't buy gifts for friends and probably don't send cards unless prompted by their wife.