Lying husband

[Nellienops]

I need advice as I'm aware I'm a wallower. My husband has 3 other grown up children alongside our 10 year old together. The youngest at 26 is always asking for money and he's lied about it before. We were constantly going overdrawn and I was tearing my hair out trying to figure out why. Anyway I opened his bank statement which was 349 overdrawn he has a work money account which he uses for his travel and food. It turns out he's given this 26 year old the card and she's been using it and running up bank charges since April. Dominos homewards etc alongside countless withdrawals and overdraft charges. I cannot get past this again. It's the third time he's done this. She used to live with us until she moved a friend in trashed our basement flat called me a see you next Tuesday and lost my bike. I'm not even sure I love him anymore.

Ltb, else you will be slowly but surely dragged down into a black hole of despair, deceit and lies.

I would not want to stay with a man who lied to me and was not trustworthy.

He has known all about this and allowed you to have, I imagine, sleepless nights worrying about where the money was going and how you could cut back and cope. And all the time he knew it was being spent on Dominos and whatever?

Nope.

There's 2 separate issues here.

1. the behaviour of the daughter is unacceptable and your husband is probably uneasy about it too. That needs to be addressed and you need him to step up and be firm with her (and defend you!)

2. you need to address the lying. Is it just this? Does he lie to you about other things?

I can't tell you what to do but you need to think on this and then have a serious discussion with him, that is, if you do still love him

I'm astonished at this, I've been paying my own way since 18, no bail outs from daddy dearest. This is the reason why some 26 year olds are so irresponsible. She's a grown up, get her dad to tell her to do one. It's not like he's minted by the sounds of it, so she's really taking the piss.

Is that a joint account he's gave her the card on? If it is I'd be telling him give me one good reason why you shouldn't file a fraud claim with the bank. Joint account needs both consent. That will shit him up.
(The bank wouldn't give you money back though due too your husband giving her the pin)

You don't stop loving someone because they are overly generous with their daughter.

He's foolish to lie about giving her money....but he's generous too and that shows kindness. I'd be exasperated too.

If you don't love him anymore, it's not because of the money. Don't confuse the issues.

It's not the first time it's happened. I just think how many times can I have the same argument. Yes the daughter is a nightmare. She cost us 1k to get our basement flat sorted and she is always asking.