And to all you MNers for putting me onto them and recognising abuse when I didn't. I am doing the Freedom Programme which is really good, and it is fantastic to find myself not alone. I have also been reading www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling which describes my relationship to a T. I am using the Gottman idea as a structure to describe my experience of my marriage. Through both WA and Gottman I feel less alone and at least a bit more empowered to deal with whatever life throws at me next in my family life.