When a parent you're nc with persists in trying to make contact..

[Hatboxharry]

How do you keep your sanity & cope with the mental pain? Mine still persists every few months or so & this has been going on ten years. I never respond and so they now try through my dc on social media. It really really hurts.

My uncle persists in trying to get in touch with my mother, his sister, who is rightly NC with him. It's because he's a shit with no respect for boundaries, which is one of the reasons she's NC with him. Try to get mad not sad

I just find it really really painful

I'm not sure there's any rulebook for this. I was NC with my father for around three years before he died. Luckily for me (depending on how you look at it) he wasn't bothered about maintaining contact.

How do your DCs feels about it? Are they old enough to decide for themselves if they want a relationship with your parent(s)?

I suppose it also depends on the circumstances and possibly the reason for NC - if there's possibly a level of mental illness involved it may not be something you can stop.

From some of the stuff around online I think a lot of estranged parents will never stop. If they're incapable of accepting that they've done anything wrong and of respecting your choice to cut contact they're waiting for you to 'come to your senses.'

I have been nc with both my parents for a couple of years. They both send Christmas and birthday cards to my children, but not me!, which is a minor annoyance as I have to make sure I get to the post first so I can bin them!
Reluctantly spoke to my dad on the phone recently as we had some serious family matter to discuss, but he mistakenly thinks that was me letting him back in to our lives and he is ringing once a week and leaving a message! Hopefully he will stop soon as I am not answering. I don't get upset, but I feel like I could easily get sucked into talking to them again, but then thinking of all the bad things they have done I feel determined not to let them worm their way back in and try to normalise their behaviour.

My dc are late teens and curious. I think you hit the nail on the head Cherry

I think if my children "went nc" with me I would carry on hoping against hope that they would change their minds for the rest of my life. And I would try to keep the door a tiny bit open.

It must be awful for you. But you decided you didn't want anything to do with them, not the other way round-you can only have control of your own behaviour. So just quickly delete or bin and move on.

If your children are late teens have you told them the story? Is it up to them if they have contact now?

Trying to put this delicately, but do you have welfare concerns for your DCs if they were to be in touch with your parents? It sounds from your description that they themselves are adults or near to being, so they do have the right to decide on their own familial relationships.

Although that said, I'm not sure from your post whether your parents are wanting contact with your DCs or just trying to get to you through them?

You have my sympathy, like I said I went NC with my father. My DCs were too young to make the contact or no contact decision themselves so I never had to face that part of it.

They keep trying because they care more about how they feel than how you do.

Just stick to it. As glitter says the slightest contact and they will be trying harder to force you back into contact.

I don't know why your parents persist but I know why my dm does. She genuinely sees herself as the victim and believes I am unreasonable / mentally ill, therefore my perspective is distorted. She doesn't respect any opinion I have or decision I make.

Hard as it is, no response at all is the only way. If we could reason with them, it wouldn't have come to going NC.