how to keep a relationship going with no family support

[blackeagles]

We have no family about to help us out in any way, not just childcare as such, but no general support. I just wondered how other people cope with this, i find it really hard that dh and i get no alone time at all. I thought it would be easier as the kids got older but i find it even harder as they seem to stay up later and need us more than they did when they were younger. They are not really yet old enough for us to leave alone, but we can't really afford babysitters on top of the cost of going out for dinner. We use all our annual leave, on covering the school holidays, so we don't ever seem to have a spare day left that we could take off together. I just feel like we all need a break, its like being on a treadmill.

Instead of going out for dinner, could you go out for a drink and use the money you would have spent on dinner on a babysitter instead? It's very easy to get stuck in a mundane rut when you've got kids.

Can you organise a babysitting circle with some friends perhaps?

yes a drink would be better than nothing.

Unfortunately all our friends seem to have doting grandparents falling over themselves to help out. So i never like to use friends as i know they won't ever ask/need me to return the favour. When we get invited out, we tend to take it in turns to go.

I know nobody should expect help from family, but what I think upsets me the most is that they are not interested in helping, rather than they can't.

I think what works for us - and I use works in a very loose sense - is just that we don't really have a life separate to the children.

When we lived in our old house, we didn't have family that close by although my DM did babysit sometimes, we rarely go out together at night on our own. My DH and I both work shifts though. When DD was at school then DS started nursery, on the rare occasions DH and I had some time off together we would go out for lunch. Just having a couple of hours just the two of us having a nice meal and a chat was lovely. When it comes to babysitting I think sometimes you have to be blunt and ask people, if they say no then don't ask again. Or find a babysitter from word of mouth maybe a reliable teenager who wants to earn a few pounds.

We were like this. As DC got a bit older, we managed a few date nights at home. The DCs knew it was date night, and that we needed the time, and cooperated!
It is tricky...