Help me not text him

[ButterBeanSoup]

DP are on a bit of a break. He's away this weekend and wants to get a bit of headspace. Sometimes he'll text, and I'll respond, but I'm finding it hard not to text him. I sent a breezy "what are you up to today", and he's seen it (on whatsapp, so can tell), and hasn't replied.

It was my idea to split. He didn't want to, but is perhaps coming round to the idea. I think I regret saying I want to split.

I feel like an idiot, and out of control of my emotions.

Why did you want to split in the first place?
This seems like you have regrets but is this just because he isn't chasing you?
What did you ask him for? Space? In this case it doesn't make sense and must be confusing for him. You need to be honest with what you want he can't read your mind

I think you're right. We split because we were going to move in together, and a couple of weeks before I decided that I wasn't ready (I have a 4 year old DD). He was understandably miffed. I felt as if he waned a ready-made family, whereas I wanted things to be much slower for DD.

I think you're absolutely right about the chasing. I have some issues around being "wanted" (I am going to re-start seeing my therapist).

Yes, I asked for space and I'm struggling now I've got it. You're spot on.

Ok then you need to meet and have a proper chat about what you both want perhaps, tell him your fears

Can you stay together but live apart? Or is that not an option

Yes, definitely in the next week or so. I guess I'm struggling with the immediate situation of wanting to text him

I think you've got to give him space here seeing as you changed the deal.

You've done exactly the right thing if you're not ready however, he's doing the right thing too, if he is & doesn't want to continue just dating.

Relationships are not a game. Especially when your 4 year old DD is involved. Don't play games. Be honest.

Being honest goes both ways. Be honest with yourself as well as with him.

Do you really want this relationship (albeit at a slower pace)?

Or do you just want to be wanted and are reacting to the fact he sooears to not want you?

Hmm, well he has text me back now and seems pretty cheerful.

I think the bottom line here is that I don't really know what I want.

I don't think you need to split if you aren't ready to move in, unless you have other reasons it can't work out.

Plenty of people don't live together. Is he pressuring for that? He sounds like he is not pressuring you now