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Original poster

People who "take the huff"

12 replies

Jecan · 07/11/2016 19:19

It's just something I don't do - if someone has upset me I often tell them but then move on.

My sister on the other hand is someone who can "take the huff" easily - she has a list of people who have offended her in some way or other and she just gives them the silent treatment & normally the friendship ends.

This time it's me who has apparently offended her. She likes to go to the cinema & check in on FB whenever she does. The other week she went 11 times in a week and I sent her a text saying jokingly "11 movies in one week! have you seen any fresh air this week?" And this set her off - she is an adult who can decide herself what she does with her life & if I don't like it I should unfriend her on fb! We normally have text chat at least once every couple of days (we live in different countries & this is how we communicate) and now I'm being given the silent treatment! I tried to ignore it & just text her as normal - she will either ignore the text or send a one word answer.

Any ideas what to do with people who are huffy? I apologised for the apparent offence. Do I just keep texting her or do I mention that u know she's in a huff?

OP posts:
TheZeppo · 07/11/2016 19:35

I'd just totally back off.

I get quiet when people upset me. I don't mean to; I think it's just my brains way of keeping me from saying things I'll regret Blush I don't do it to punish people- I just need the space.

Sounds like your sister took it the wrong way. Give her some time and it'll blow over. If it doesn't- she's crazy to lose her sister over something so small!

For what it's worth, I don't think you should beat yourself up over this!

ChicRock · 07/11/2016 19:40

It's difficult to joke over text when there's no tone, facial expression to see, etc.

You've apologised. Give her a few days to get over it.

Meadows76 · 07/11/2016 19:45

I have a friend like this and I used to drive myself crazy waiting for her to get the fuck over it. Now I just push and push until she talks. She doesn't like it but I don't like the huffy shit.

Original poster
Jecan · 07/11/2016 19:58

It's been two weeks chickrock!

thezeppo - I have fairly backed off & only text her 2 or 3 times in that time (including one was her birthday). But I know if I back off completely she'll be too stubborn to text. But I appreciate your perspective as someone who goes quiet. I'm the opposite.

meadows - if she keeps giving me the silent treatment I will take your advice. I'm now the only member of our dysfunctional family that she talks to so I'm not letting her away.

OP posts:
TheZeppo · 13/11/2016 20:03

jecan things any better?

SeaEagleFeather · 13/11/2016 21:01

let her get on with it. Life is too short to walk on eggshells around someone no matter who they are.

People who take the huff easily tend to get worse at jerking people around not better ime. Playing their game encourages them.

PsychedelicSheep · 13/11/2016 21:23

11 times in a week?! I can barely find one movie a month I'd want to pay to see. She must have a low bar for shit films. Doesn't she have a job/family/life? Who has the time for that?

Well like you said, it's up to her. She sounds like a pain in the arse frankly. Just ignore her and let her get on with her strop, don't reward the behaviour by pandering to it.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 13/11/2016 21:39

Imho, it is a power play. She has you dangling on the end of a string right now.

I'm now the only member of our dysfunctional family that she talks to...
This circumstance can be flipped to also mean that all the other members of your family have stopped talking to her. You are her last family (read "easy") target.

I would expect she could find offense if you told her it is a lovely day.

She is using you for ego supply as long as you are bouncing around her like a wee puppy-that is minimizing you. Every time she blanks you (or one word answer) is a stab at your self esteem. You need to have a boundary in mind as to how much of your self you will sacrifice to her ego. And what SeaEagle said...life is too short-even if she is your sister. Would you put up with this from someone who is not your sister?

SeaEagleFeather · 13/11/2016 21:59

I'm now the only member of our dysfunctional family that she talks to so I'm not letting her away.

um, you can't control her. And if you don't put up some boundaries yourself, you'll end up being treated like shit. You've already apologised for something you shouldn't have. It won't be the last time, if you let her jerk you around.

abbsismyhero · 14/11/2016 01:54

Send her a final text saying you can see she is mad at you and you will wait for her to contact you when she's ready and ditch

daisychain01 · 14/11/2016 03:16

Perhaps lesson learned for next time, don't send her messages that could set her off.

There are a couple of people who ?I know damn well would never "get" a jokey or teasing message, they'd just get the 'ump. So I don't chance my luck, I keep things either factual, complimentary or descriptive.

Others who I'm more relaxed with, we take the piss out of each other mercilessly, but not in a nasty or unkind way, I'd never be hurtful.

It's about picking your audience. If your sister is a sensitive type just tread carefully. I'd have been more inclined to ask ' which was your favourite film, I need a good night out" or something bland.

daisychain01 · 14/11/2016 03:19

Gentle flattery is a safe option, nobody takes offence at having something nice said to them! It oils the wheels, as they say

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