Crush on female work colleague

[daimbar]

I seem to have developed a huge crush on a female friend I work with

Ashamed to admit I think about her all the time and am probably a bit obsessed

I should add I am gay and happily married (to a woman). My crush is straight and has no idea how I feel.

My questions are:

if you realised a female friend had a crush on you would you feel disgusted and horrified? Or would it not bother you? (assuming you are straight).

How do I get over this?
I wish I could avoid her for a while but not an option as we are good friends and sit near each other.

Obviously I haven't done anything but I feel like I have betrayed my partner by having these thoughts.

Thanks Navy. She is single, I'm the married one...

No it's definitely not going to go anywhere. She is very tactile with me but has never mentioned having same sex crush.

Ashamed to admit I think about her all the time and am probably a bit obsessed I should add I am gay and happily married

No, you are NOT happily married. People who are happily married do not have crushes on other people and obsess sexually about other people. You are deluding yourself. I am happily married. I could meet Brad Pitt tomorrow and I'd turn him down for sex. BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE TOTALLY, WITH MY HUSBAND.

You need to be more honest, about the state of your marriage.

I'm sorry, but I agree with Husky. "Happily marrieds" do not get obsessive crushes. They might think "hmm, I would if I was single", but it would be a very fleeting thought.

In answer to your question about how I would feel if I found out - I'd feel a bit "ick" and disappointed that they didn't like me how I thought they did, exactly the same as I would if it were a male friend.

Maybe you are right Husky. It feels very sad to admit to admit that to myself as I am 100% committed to making my marriage work.

But it shouldn't be work! I couldn't imagine not being with my husband, mind body and soul. He's the fucking BOMB for me. There would never, ever be anyone else. He's IT. Don't settle for any less. And I don't say this lightly. Was married previously for 17 yrs. Then entered my "slut phase" and slept with too many men to recall. You need to take stock I think

Thanks Husky, food for thought. I am hoping the feelings are a temporary blip in an otherwise passionate and loving marriage.

Navy, you are right I love my wife more than anything and would never want us to split. We have been together 9 years and have DC and I would never have dreamed I would have feelings for anyone but her.

I need to just stop this stupid obsession. I try not to think of her but dream about her every night

Cross posted with you OP. I also found the dreams started when I suppressed the thoughts entirely. What helped was advice on here actually to let yourself think about the other person every so often (e.g. 3 times a day) but at other times stop the thoughts. That way you are not surpressing it completely. I sound as if I have this sussed but I really don't and I'm not sure I will ever not have the feelings.

Hi Dont thank you so much for the advice. I think you are right, at the moment we are socialising outside of work and going for lunch together etc which isn't helping.

She is going through a hard time so I don't want to ditch her completely as that may be confusing and hurtful but defo need to cool things off a bit.

An another cross post with Dont! Thanks for the tips, it is helping to talk about it on here Inspiring to know you have found a method of controlling the feelings.

If you're happily married & have children, look for a new job and stop this madness.