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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm an evil bitch

12 replies

Mrs2ndbest · 02/11/2016 07:26

Last night our baby was awake because my DP was snoring. He didn't go to sleep for over an hour and I wake up exhausted.
The baby wakes up early and I ask DP just to cuddle him for 10 mins while just snooze a bit longer. Instead he turns over and allows baby to cry so I have to get up. One of the many instances of his total disregard for caring about what I need.
After years of two affairs he has had, I've told him today that if I had the money to move out I would. He replied that I was an evil bitch. I've had enough but no where to go with three kids under 5 and no proper income. My baby is only 9 months old.
I really can't bare him. When you tell him how selfish he is, he acts like he has no idea what you're talking about

OP posts:
ChuckGravestones · 02/11/2016 07:28

What is the house and money situation for you?

fuzzywuzzy · 02/11/2016 07:29

speak to CAB see what you would be entitled to in benefits if you leave, check also the CMS website see how much child support youd get.

Do you have RL support?

You can start getting your ducks in row now dont need to leave immediately. But its good to know where youd stand if you did leave.

6demandingchildren · 02/11/2016 07:29

Sounds like a selfish arsehole

Original poster
Mrs2ndbest · 02/11/2016 07:30

It's his house. We have been together 11 years but it's all in his name and we aren't married

OP posts:
Saci · 02/11/2016 07:31

Can you book an appointment with citizens advice to find out what you're entitled to? You sound like you've had enough and he sounds like a selfish twat. You might be a bit poor for a while until you get on your feet but young children rarely need or want for much and once the baby is bigger you can start bringing in your own money. It might look like a cliff edge of uncertainty and better to stay where you are, but how long before you snap?

Original poster
Mrs2ndbest · 02/11/2016 08:05

I've already snapped. He just keeps following me around saying I'm an evil piece of work, even though it's him causing us the problems. I find it really strange. He can't understand why I'm being like this.

OP posts:
Simonneilsbeard · 02/11/2016 08:13

So he's currently following you around calling you names? Fuck that! if he can't see the problem with that he's a lost cause.
Is there anyone you can go and stay with?

pugsake · 02/11/2016 08:18

He's following you round harassing you Confused

What a knobhead. There's a website called entitled to that gives you a benefit estimate. Csa site tells you what child support he'd have to pay.

He sounds like a wanker.

Bluntness100 · 02/11/2016 08:21

I suspect you are both suffering from the stress of three kids, inc one baby and the lack of sleep involved.

He had affairs but you've then chosen to have another baby with him, so clearly not that long ago you could totally bear him and more....

Isetan · 02/11/2016 08:46

He's a selfish, cheating, abusive arsewipe but you've known that for some time. This is who he is and it doesn't look like he's going to change anytime soon, so the onus is on you to stop digging yourself deeper into a more precarious position.

Speak to CAB and start finding out what your options are.

AntiqueSinger · 02/11/2016 09:04

I think you can't hold the affairs against him now having chosen to stay and have another baby with him. I do feel for you, more so because you have 3 children with this man and no rights to anything. You are not married, it's his house.

You need to see a good solicitor to see if you have any common-law rights. Check what you would be entitled to, how much the children could receive in maintenance etc.

But being as you sound quite vulnerable with 3 children under 5, were you my friend I'd be inclined to say stay for bit until you're in a better place. He sounds awful, but you are both under huge pressure and a lot of relationships become volatile with young children. Could you put up and maybe work on things until the baby is a bit older and you can get a job for instance? Until children are in nursery regularly? Get some working independence before jumping ship?

Gildedcage · 02/11/2016 09:34

3 children under 5, been there done that, massively hard work. I agree that you can't stay with him, however, exit needs careful planning. First off I'd try and perfect your routine with the children, your dh is useless, so go forward as if you are totally alone. Whatever he does is a bonus. Hard but if you get into a fine art you might free up a bit of time for you. You need a job, or money from somewhere, have you got anyone, relative or someone who can mind the children for a bit while you look for work etc. Sadly I think you need to stay where you are whilst you get the departure planned.

I feel for you as having 3 children in that age range is hard work even with a good dh.

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