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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being paranoid?

25 replies

Kazbar45 · 29/10/2016 19:44

I will try to not make this too long... my husband is involved with a childrens club which my son goes to with some of his friends from school.

A few weeks back dh showed me a message on his phone from one of the other mums asking if my son wanted to go for a sleepover.

I was a bit taken back as to why she would message him and not me. I thought it was an unwritten rule that mums text mums.

I wont go into all the details but this girl likes eveything my dh posts on fb & has caused me to feel upset. The day my son went to the friends i was kept completely out of the loop which made me feel awful.

I asked him not to messsge her and to tell her to organise stuff through me. He could not understand my point at all.

What do others think of this please?

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 29/10/2016 19:49

Unless there is a massive backstory then yabu.

Mums text mums

CthulhuInDisguise · 29/10/2016 19:50

Personally I think you are being a bit unfair. If the mum knows your DH through the club but doesn't know you so well, wouldn't it make more sense to speak to the person she knows? If she does know you equally as well then of course that's a different matter.

I don't know where the "mums contact mums" rule comes from, it's not the way I have parented, but I might be in the minority.

kimlo · 29/10/2016 19:51

Parents text the parent they know.

Some people like loads of stuff on facebook.

CostaBrava · 29/10/2016 19:54

I really hope this rule isn't real. I have no time for mum texts.

GinIsIn · 29/10/2016 19:57

Wow, ok. You sound a bit.... Intense. The other mum knows your DH, not you - why the hell should 'mums text mums'?!

Offred · 29/10/2016 19:58

What exactly is your issue with it?

Somerville · 29/10/2016 19:59

There really isn't an unwritten rule that mums text mums.

Unless the details you're holding back are that she asked your DH to stay for the sleepover too, or something, then I don't get your concern at all.

thegoodnameshadgone · 29/10/2016 19:59

Because the other mum also likes everything on facebook he posts.

Original poster

Kazbar45 · 29/10/2016 20:02

Sorry i didnt mean to offend anyone. I have personally never pm'd another mums hubby to organise a play date obviously must be a bit behind the times..

OP posts:

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 29/10/2016 20:10

He showed you the text from her, so if there was any intention on his part behind this interaction he probably wouldn't have done that. You cannot prevent some daft woman thrusting herself at him but if you fear this could end in something you don't want to have happen you have to examine quite how much you trust him, and if you don't, why that is.

What I don't understand is how they ended up as friends on Facebook but then I'm not FB friends with people who aren't actually proper, you know, real life friends.

Nice, attractive men attract attention from the opposite sex all the time but that doesn't mean they have to respond, most especially if they're in a happy relationship.

BolshierAryaStark · 29/10/2016 20:14

I think you're reading way too much into this which is odd, why are you doing that?
Unless there's more to this story then yes, you do sound a little paranoid.

WipsGlitter · 29/10/2016 20:15

Maybe think of her as a child's parent than another man's wife?

Just like you're a person not just a wife / mum?

Livelovebehappy · 29/10/2016 20:20

To be honest, when my son played football, he also was close friends with the coaches son, and I organised lots of play dates through him. I didn't know the mother, she never seemed to be around at drop offs or pick ups, so it just made sense to communicate via the dad. I think contact with other mums is pretty much par for the course when you're a footy coach. if you're secure in your marriage, something like this shouldn't bother you OP.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 29/10/2016 20:25

Do you know this mum at all? Does she have your phone number?
I'm assuming not. In which case, you're being controlling and definitely unreasonable.

Your H is involved with this club. You are not.

Do you allow your H to talk to other women? Or are women only allowed to talk to other women?

RebelRogue · 29/10/2016 20:31

So the only reasons you are worried are "mums text mums" and fb likes? Then yeah you are being paranoid

babyblabber · 29/10/2016 20:33

DS is in a new school and had his first friend over from there yesterday. I arranged it by texting the dad as he is the one who does the school runs, I've chatted to him in the yard and have never met the mum. When we dropped them to school in the morning me and the dad arranged pick up time and when the time came, it was his dad who collected him.

Do you really think that's strange?!! Do you think it would have been more normal to text the mum re everything and then she'd have to text the dad who was doing the collecting etc?!

Czerny88 · 29/10/2016 20:42

You said it in your first sentence: your husband is involved with the children's club your son goes to. I think letting this situation (not that there really is one) make you feel "upset" and "awful" is over-reacting somewhat.

Would you find it odd to receive a text from the father of one of your son's friends?

Original poster

Kazbar45 · 29/10/2016 20:42

Thanks for judging me.... the mum sees me at school and at the club as i go most wks to watch the game. she is friends with both of us on fb.

H loves oggling women and it doesn't bother me at all. Its personal messaging.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 29/10/2016 20:45

If you judge others, expect to be judged yourself on that!

LemonSqueezy0 · 29/10/2016 20:48

You don't mind him ogling women, but you do mind him arranging your child's social life? I'm not buying that sorry. You clearly don't trust him, perhaps with good reason but that's nothing to do with the other mum...

Original poster

Kazbar45 · 29/10/2016 21:01

I don't have a problem with him organising the children. I welcome this as to he has to date hardly ever done school runs, picked up from parties or organised any aspect of their care (by his own choice not mine) Thank you for your help everyone I appreciate the advice. :-)

OP posts:

Offred · 29/10/2016 22:36

Right, so he has you doing all the shitwork, apart from this one time, and he 'ogles' women...

I don't believe you are not bothered by it. I think you are being a cool girlfriend and it is driving you into deep insecurity.

TheStoic · 30/10/2016 08:15

I would never call a woman paranoid, for two reasons:

She's often right
Her partner has probably called her that plenty of times already.

If this makes you uncomfortable, you need to dig deeper and really work out why.

Tryanythingonce16 · 30/10/2016 09:13

I understand what you mean re the texting. But can't believe your ogling comment!

operaha · 30/10/2016 09:55

Eh? My husband has two daughters. If they are to do something with friends when he has them, he communicates with the mums as they're the ones he knows... So he has texts in his phone from other wimmin, madness.
Or not, as they're texts about yknow, the kids meeting up.
However, your husband sounds dodgy, but not because of your logic judging others.

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