It's all so confusing

[lokivonpoki]

I love my DH, we've been together for a lot of years, have 2 dc.
Me and his parents done get on,at all, were civil these days but I cannot forget what had gone on in the past so just smile and nod.
my DH just doesn't get it, at all. He thinks that because it's in the past if doesn't mAtter, the way he sees it is that it's over and done with so therefore doesn't need to be discussed in the open.
Although if his brother sends a pair of trainers for our ds he expects him to wear them, wether they for him or not, I will make a point of saying "ds if they don't fit then don't wear them" he sees this as me just not wanting DC to have anything off his family when in actual fact it's him that wants his kids to wear anything of his family even if it doesn't fit them because it's off his family.
We are at a massive stand still..

Does your dh get along with your family, or are you just expected to accept his and get along?

Does he understand why you don't feel close to his family, but still thinks you should just forgive and forget?

Point out to your DH that children's feet can actually be permanently damaged by ill-fitting shoes, and that if his family insist on interfering would like to buy trainers etc, they can send the cash and you and your children can pick some that fir , and they will send a nice little f/b letter and photo or something saying "thank you for the lovely trainers".

Other inappropriate or ill-fitting clothing just makes your children open to bullying and that only affects their peace of mind for the rest of their lives but will not otherwise physically damage them.

Perhaps your in-laws are really trying to make amends - but maybe you should buy your DH a pair of shoes two sizes too small and insist he wears them no matter how much they hurt, or a pair a couple of sizes too big, and make him stuff them with newspaper.

Shoes in particular really need to be a good fit for comfort and foot health.

I think it might help if you say sth along the lines of ' it was so sweet and considerate of your brother to send the shoes, they look really cool. Not sure about the fit , what do you think?'