How do you work out who stays in the marital home?

[Seasonofmist]

I have been considering separation for a while. But I am fairly sure that my husband will not want to leave our home. He is very close to the kids and I just can't see him willingly leaving to go and rent some tiny flat somewhere. I admit it doesnt seem fair on him. How does this usually work? Please tell me your stories as I feel desperate today but cannot see how separation will work. Money is an issue too. How the hell do you afford a second home? I feel naive for asking this as I know there are plenty of people out there doing this but I just can't see how it would be possible for us. I really don't want to leave my home either.
Thanks in advance.

Hi, sorry to hear you're facing separating from your husband. I separated from my husband at the beginning of August and moved out a little over a month ago. I was the one that brought up separation and even though my husband could see it was for the best, I felt like because I instigated it I should move out. Many people told me I was crazy and he should go but he hadn't done anything wrong. Great person and dad we'd just massively grown apart. Under the circumstances it seemed fair. He is in the process of buying me out and in the meantime I'm renting a 3 bedroom house. We look after our children 50/50. He earns a lot more than me so he can afford to pay the mortgage on our old house, whereas I couldn't have managed. I work part time and claim tax credits and I'm managing ok so far.

Hope you manage to find a solution x

My ex left because he was the problem, he was abusive and I'm the main carer of the children, so he left. Not fair to up heave the kids out of their house so he could stay and there was no way I would leave the dc.

What's the main problem with your relationship?

Thanks so much for your replies. Very interesting to hear your story Victoria. Glad to hear it's working out well for you. Sorry to hear you were abused Leopard, glad you are free now. There's no abuse, same as Victoria, we've just drifted apart massively. It's sad and very tempting to keep plodding along as it seems so so scary to make the move. Especially when financially we'd be much worse off and where we live rents are high.

Also well done Victoria on making it work. Very admirable. Did you feel very sad at having to move out? Or relish a new start? I think to be honest I would feel jealous if he got to stay here and I had to go.

Anyone else here had a partner who didn't want to leave?