Relationship donts

[bikerlou]

Never choose a husband with your ovaries, only with a clear head. My ovaries chose a waste of space.

Anyone else?

Never ask a question if you can't deal with the answer.

How many women did you sleep with before me? Does this dress look nice? What's the best sex you've ever had. Hopefully they would be tactful but still.

And never only rely on one person. Be yourself with your own friends and interests and encourage them to do the same.

The questions are the mistakes I always made

That and also ignoring bad habits and red flags such as being a bad rowdy drunk, drinking too much and men who are completely disorganised and need you to help them sort it all out. It means they never will because they can find women to do it

The biggest one and the one that should be taught to all girls from an early age....never become financially dependant on a man!

Never be totally dependent on a man. Don't make yourself vulnerable.

Never date a man who speaks badly of his ex(s). He'll talk like that about you sooner or later. Equally men who are rude or aggressive to others, he'll turn that on you too eventually.

very interesting guys thanks for these

I seem to be forever oblivious to the red flags

dating is so hard though
thinking I may just stay single forever much easier in a lot of ways
been cheated on/abused/physically attacked and the whole time I thought I deserved it all :(

Never think you can cure him - as a player, a needy limpet, a narc or sociopath.

Never expect him to make you happy - only you are responsible for that.

Never give up your family, friends or interests for him.

Be independent financially.

Don't defer and then blame him for making all the decisions.

Don't blame him for not thinking like a woman of guessing what you want. He's a man.

Looks fade, character and integrity last.

Know your exits at all times. Don't wait until you need to run for the exit to look for the exit.

Don't go out with a person that sees you as a "work in progress".

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them! And dump people who string you along.

Be wary if someone who has fallen out with family and friends and badmouths them to you.
Don't be financially dependent- especially having children and giving up work to be a sahm when you aren't married. Makes you very vulnerable.
Don't get involved with someone who is violent. Even a little bit. It escalates.
Watch how they treat other people. If they are rude to people in shops/waiters etc etc it doesn't bode well.

Don't marry a man who you know is so self absorbed and selfish they can never 100% love you back

Don't accept all of the 'wife work' even if they earn 4 times what you do.

Don't ever stop working and rely totally on a man for financial support. Working with young kids is hard, but def work it in the long run, esp when you LTB.

Don't hang in there for years putting up with ten tonnes of shit because you're too scared to do anything.

Don't close yourself down after a bad relationship. Kind, loving, good men do actually exist (although they may live on an island with the unicorns ;-) )

Never, ever try and "fix" a man; even less so if he tells you that you are The Answer He's Been Waiting For and puts you on a pedestal. You are not selfish or heartless for holding out for a man who is good and happy when you find him. If his life is a heap of shit and everybody always leaves him, boo-hoo, the problem is much more likely to lie with him than in a conspiracy of every single one of his ex-girlfriends and a huge number of former friends.

I have no idea why it took me so long to work this out. I wish I could go back to my 17yr old self and shake her by the shoulders until she grew a pair and stopped trying to be Mother Fucking Teresa to a man who was 15 years older (!!) and who from the get-go spent the majority of his time whinging and crying about his hard-knock life and his broken heart, making tremendously pressurising statements about True Love After Years of Darkness and emotionally blackmailing her into propping him up for years, then tried to ramp up the blackmail by hurling horrid abuse when she finally decided to reclaim her life and ditch him. It was such an unnecessary waste of time and energy

The thing that so annoys me is that I did know, I just evidently didn't think my own happiness was worth as much as his. Who was I to be happy when my misery was alleviating his? Bullshit.

Never point out the things that you think are wrong with yourself. They may never have noticed the cellulite/cross eyes/big red spot/spare tyre until you point it out. Just keep telling him that you are gorgeous