Where to find a relationship councillor?

[icclemunchy]

We've reached the point where we need to do something or split up, neither of us want to split up but agree we can't carry on as we are. The trouble is neither of us can seem to get the other to see there point of view.

A quick Google brings up loads of "therapists" around us. It I don't want to end up with some kook. How do we find a proper one?relate? I've heard mixed reviews about them but not sure how to find out how good the local one is

Try a directory of qualified counsellors, such as Counselling Directory or BACP It's Good To Talk.

Ask if they are trained to work with couples, and meet a few before deciding which to work with.

Is there a particular qualification I should look for? Or is it like Drs where they qualify then "specialise"?

Relate? Or the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists has a register:

www.cosrt.org.uk/information-for-members-of-the-public/therapist-listing/

Don't be afraid to talk to two or more therapists and choose someone you're comfortable with.

Make sure you know how much it's going to cost, what the length of the process is going to be (are you going to go there every week forever?).

Also switching is costly because you will have to bring the new therapist up to date each time.

My advice: work it out with a common friend who has both your interests at heart. It is crucial though that one outcome is that you separate, without this possible threat the work wont be credible.

Develop a framework.

What are the issues?
How do you think the other partner perceives the issues? why do you think he/she feels that way?
Work out how you got to that point and again see both narratives.
To each: What is your best case scenario ?
To each: how do we get from here to there?
Find a common pathway: what are you willing to concede/what do you gain instead as an individual and as a couple.

Best of luck