Re Dating what advice do you give? This is mine

[user1477060570]

When it comes to dating i give my children the following advice.

NEVER
Meet someone new on your own for the first second or third time.
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
If they say they are working for MI5/FBI/CIA
If they won’t video chat and or speak to you they will only text you.
If you can’t Facebook them and they won’t open a profile.
If they want you to pay for the whole bill for the date.
If they want to borrow money from you.
If they say that they have to go abroad frequently
If they push you for personal info before you are ready to give it
If they avoid answering your questions
If they tell you how much they love you when you have only just met
If they are aggressive

END THE RELATIONSHIP
If they won't introduced you to their friends
If they won’t talk about their past
If they don’t appear to have a past.
If they cannot introduce you to their family or members of their family
If the people you do meet have only known them for a short time (say 6 months)
If they aren’t gainfully employing their time: working Uni college school
If they will not introduce you to their friends.
If their friends are skanky
If your instincts are saying something’s wrong.
If you don’t feel comfortable
If their family is dysfunctional.
If you haven’t met anyone who can verify their past?

There are a lot of wierd people about

So because my family is dysfunctional I don't deserve a relationship ???

What a load of judgemental nonsense

Moving swiftly on...

FFS
I grew up in care, so no family, guess that makes me one of the weird ones
Things happen to people, some are misfortunate.
And I never talk about my childhood to someone I'm just dating

It seems like you posted this list to brag about being so knowledgeable.
You really aren't as clever as you think.

So, somebody who's gone to uni & become a partner in an accountancy firm, from a dysfunction family is a wrong un'?
Somebody who doesn't have Facebook as its shit & so no longer current & won't dance to your tune on your controlling needs, is a wrong un'?
Somebody asks you questions, is a wrong un' yet, if you don't give you everything you want to hear, including inside leg measurement they're a wrong un'?

My husband has never had a Facebook account - because he thinks it's a load of shit. Where were you when I needed you? I must have married a monster!

How ridiculous. So if their family are dysfunctional then it's a no. If they do not have any family then it's a no.
Why wouldn't you meet someone on your own for a date.

Telling your kids a load of shit tbh.

Oh and if you don't have a fb. Ridiculous. I'd rather be with a man who wasn't on social media.

I'm not on Facebook but I'm absolutely lovely

Never meet someone new on your own for the first, second or third time?! If this a ruse to make sure your DC can never date, have sex, marry or leave home ever? Because if I'd arranged a date with someone and they turned up with a chaperone, I'd be swiftly on my way home!

I would have to disagree with most of this personally

I come from a very dysfunctional family, OP. Taken me a while to make better relationship choices, but I don't think it should preclude me from being given the benefit of the doubt.

Thinking back to my younger dating years I don't think I would be very impressed if I went for a date and the man had his mummy with him. Meeting in a public place verses a dark alley is not such a bad idea.

As for FB, I don't have FB - DP must have been a fool to have ever gone out on a date with me!

This really is a lot of rubbish.

Ha ha I was just going to say that most people's families are dysfunctional to outsiders.

I do agree with some but love us blind. Just fill them with confidence and hopefully they will meet people they like that like them back. Regardless of ahem circumstance.

NEVER
Meet someone new on your own for the first second or third time.

Riiiiiiight, well I have a good friend who is single, actually she's going on a first date tonight. She's a 35 year old probation officer but still, better give her call and tell her to take her Mum along

I'm sorry but it comes across paranoid. I hope your kids don't develop some unhealthy mistrust that will prevent them from meeting people...

Hahahaha!!!

Assume you're still single OP?

I agree with the final sentence.

FWIW, a lot of these go both ways. I'm at least partially a problem according to the op:

FB:
I won't share my FB until I'm sure he's reliable and not a weirdo. I share stuff about my son on there so I'm very careful about privacy and who I friend. Anyone pushing on this would get the boot.

I'd only meet someone on my own but in a public place. I've had guys offer to pick me up and I think sometimes this can just be naivety on their part but its also a red flag. That should always be a no. Don't let anyone know where you live until you're sure they're not a problem.

Video chat/calling
I hate talking on the phone so would be annoyed by anyone insisting on this.

Meeting family/friends
I'd only introduce once it was serious and moved beyond casual dating. Especially to my son. I wouldn't find this that odd.

I agree with the OP that you should follow your instincts though and anyone asking to borrow money or expecting you to pay for everything is going to be a problem.

My personal Nos that I think are good advice:

1. If he only gives a decent photo in the message not the profile-- certainly married.
2. You don't get to know where he lives (after a few dates) because he 'shares and it's awkward', renovations etc etc. Again, probably married.
3. He is pushy on anything after you say no thanks. If he refuses to accept that you don't actually want another coffee, date, anything, he might not accept a no when it comes to sex either.
4. Any negative stuff on his profile: whinging about time wasters or how women always go for guys who treat them badly and nice guys lose out, or complaining that its rude not tö reply tö messages. That tells me he's an entitled ass who can't accept a no.

Hi Notapodling

Thanks for taking the post seriously and posting your thoughts. There are things on there that i had not thought of so I am very grateful for your reply. Re the vid chat it was another method to verify that the person is a teen and not a grown adult pretending to be a tean. im sure you can see where im conming from on there.
Again thank you for the post.