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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Issues with my dm

19 replies

janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 22:46

Am I being unrealistic when my dsis thinks our DM needs extra care and she wants the local council to fill in dm's form for this? She has got a good pension, so I can't see where my dsis is coming from. I am perfectly aware I may be totally unreasonable about this, but I'd be pleased to see what others think.

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 15/10/2016 22:51

I think you need to elaborate on what care your mother has and why your sister thinks she needs more and Why it's an issue to involve the council

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 22:55

Cos she can't be arsed to fill in the form that she thinks needs to be filled in for mum to get the care that my dsis thinks she needs. However my DM has had carers in, and has told them to go away, so it's not going to work anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 22:57

My dd has just told me to go to bed as my dsis does not live in the real world. I may just do that.

OP posts:
Meadows76 · 15/10/2016 23:04

TBH I have no idea what you are talking about. You may be offered better advice if you try to explain the situation.

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 23:08

My dsis thinks our DM needs extra government care and thinks she needs to fill in a form to get this. She wants the local council to do this. This is for basic care i.e. washing and dressing. But it's in Scotland where basic care is meant to be free.

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 15/10/2016 23:13

I would just let your sister do what she thinks is right for your mother it sounds like she's trying to help

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 23:18

I think that's exactly what I'll do myusername as I think it's a total waste of time. My DM gets more pension than my Ds earns who is supporting a dw and a baby so I'm a little bit surprised by the whole thing.

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 15/10/2016 23:30

Ok but care can be more expensive than you realise

Anyway it's all relative you can't begrudge her care because you are Jealous of her pension Confused

Also if she isn't eligible the council won't help

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 23:41

I am not jealous of her pension. How the fuck do you get that? I was just explaining how much money she gets and that she does not need more money.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2016 23:47

OMG, your post is so garbled and lacking in proper information you don't really deserve proper responses.

However, in the interests of your mother and sister l'm going to give it a go.

Your mother needs care but she is refusing it. Is that right? Your sister either wants to fill in a form or wants the council to fill in a form. Not sure whether this is to ensure the care happens or to pay for the care. You disagree for reasons which are totally incomprehensible from your post.

Does your mother need professional care? Are you caring for her now? Is your sister?

Caring for elderly parents is hard hard hard. You two need to stop arguing and come up with solutions together.

Myusernameismyusername · 15/10/2016 23:48

You compared it to your DS and his wife as if it was an issue for you. If she isn't entitled she won't get it. If she needs it she will.

your post doesn't really make a whole lot of sense anyway

Myusernameismyusername · 15/10/2016 23:50

And surely regardless of your mothers wealth I think it's odd you have no concern over what is best for your mother, not how much money she will be entitled to (hence suspected jealousy)

Atenco · 16/10/2016 02:32

Very unclear post, OP. But why would you not want your mother to have extra care if it is available and she is entitled to it?

LellyMcKelly · 16/10/2016 03:53

Why wouldn't you fill in the form if it means your mum get the help she needs? It's just a form.

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 16/10/2016 21:07

I'm letting my dsis do what she thinks is right. I do not live in the same country as my DM and dsis. Personally I think DM has sufficient money to not need any further benefits. But I'm obviously being unreasonable by mumsnet standards!

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 16/10/2016 21:40

Ah OK. So your sister is currently caring for your mum all by herself? Now she is trying to get some professional help but she is applying for government funding for this but you think this is morally wrong because your mum has enough money to pay for it herself. Is that what you are saying?

I think you are being rather unkind to your sister. She is bearing the brunt of care for your mum, trying to make the right decisions for her while you sit in your other country judging her from afar. Until you have done it, you have no idea how physically and emotionally draining caring for an elderly parent is.

Put aside your anger and find your compassion.

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 16/10/2016 21:45

No, my dsis is not caring for my DM. That is partly what is annoying me. She lives less than 2 hours from mum but I see her more often and I live around 8 hours away. I work, she doesn't, so it is really pissing me off.

If I wasn't employed, I'd be there looking after her. But as I have a job, I can't. My dsis 'could' look after her, if she chose to do so.

OP posts:
FlabulousChic · 16/10/2016 22:04

Tell your sister the care is means tested simple

Original poster
janethegirl2 · 16/10/2016 22:18

Basic care in Scotland is not means tested.

OP posts:
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